Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Chapter 22: Ajnin in the Middle

     As Ajnin and Drea prepared to leave Chang Khu, very little was said that wasn't necessary for planning their trip. His heart was lost somewhere between wanting to comfort her and wanting her to apologize for a few things. But he didn't know if she would ever let him comfort her or if she would ever apologize for anything. What he did know, was that she was finally willing to go with him to Battle Creek instead of putting it off any longer, and that she looked so lost every time he asked her what she wanted to do. He found himself in the strange position of having to lay out every travel plan on his own, which he was fully capable of and experienced at. The strange part was that Drea accepted every suggestion he made, even when he suggested they stop at her father's on the way to see if he would join them.
     The one thing that she took the initiative to do herself, was to take those bags of money she had been saving for land and buy a horse from Torvial and Neenan's son Siddiq. It was a good horse, and she needed it for the journey. But it wasn't Shadyn.
     Within two days after his tragic death, they were ready to leave. Ajnin's goodbyes to friends and acquaintances were awkward due to the abruptness, and Drea didn't want to say goodbye to anyone. But the village found out she was leaving regardless, and her remaining snakeskins were sold, which meant less weight and more money for the journey. Since she had determined never to come back, Ajnin suggested she leave Cherithia to Sethu's family to take care of and enjoy. And she did. She couldn't look at that cherry tree ever again, she said. It was her and Shadyn's place, and she had buried a lock of his black mane under it - the only part of him she had been able to carry back from outside the forest.
     Having packed everything and loaded the horses, Ajnin pushed through the bare branches to tell Drea it was time to go. It was as if the tree itself had wept all its petals off in grief for its fallen friend. Drea was kneeling on the petal-sprinkled ground by the large, sturdy trunk, looking with bowed head at the small patch of disturbed ground where she had shallowly buried Shadyn's lock. "I'm sorry," she said softly, gently touching the tiny grave, then laid a pile of cherry petals on top. For a split second, Ajnin actually thought she might have been apologizing to him before he figured out it was Shadyn she was talking to. She stayed there on her knees for another few seconds, then stood up and walked toward Ajnin. "Are you ready?" he asked gently. She nodded and looked away, and they climbed onto their horses to begin the long journey.
     Most nights, Ajnin was able to find a place to stop where he'd already made friends on his travels who gladly gave him and his friend a place to sleep. Sometimes the pale girl with the tight black snakeskin outfit and machete strapped to her hip seemed to intimidate or confuse their hosts, but Ajnin always introduced her as his friend he'd known since childhood, and she was welcomed where he was welcome. But there was one acquaintance who took him aside and told him in Kharman that he didn't trust her and would not let her stay there, but that Ajnin was welcome to spend the night. Apparently he had taken one look at Drea's pale skin and blonde hair and assumed that she didn't understand Kharman, not realizing she was born and raised there and like Ajnin, was fluent in both Kharman and Miran.
     Frustrated, she climbed back onto her horse and started toward a clearing that looked like as safe a place as any to make camp. "Where are you going?" Ajnin asked, following on his horse.
     "I'm camping of course," she answered.
     "Well wait for me!" he said, catching up.
     "I heard what he said," she told him. "You should go back and get a good night's sleep on an actual bed. Meet me here in the morning and we'll get on our way."
     "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I'm not staying somewhere where my friend has been turned away - bed or no bed!" he snickered.
     "Why are you doing this?" she asked.
     "Doing what?"
     "Trying to be all helpful and calling me your friend - it's been a while since we were really friends, don't you think?"
     "I've always considered your family my friends, and I don't see why I would ever stop," he answered simply.
     "I'm not my family, and I'm not so sure I'm friend material," she said.
     "Suit yourself," Ajnin chuckled.
     "You should quit trying to be my friend," she said seriously.
     "So is this where you want to make camp?" he asked, stopping in the clearing. She said nothing, but slipped off her horse and began to unload. Guess that's Drean for "yes," he thought to himself. The conversation ended abruptly, but he was in a good mood because it was still the longest and deepest and ironically the friendliest conversation they'd had yet, one week into the trip, and it was almost like vaguely getting an apology - or at least as close to one as he could expect from her. So he fell asleep reasonably happy, considering the circumstances and pressures.
     But in the night as he slept, a soft noise began to stir him. Soon he realized it was the hiss of a brush serpent, and his eyes flew open. Immediately he noticed Drea's spot ten feet or so away from him was empty. But he felt disoriented and couldn't see her or the snake anywhere, and the sound began to change until he could clearly make out Drea sniffling nearby, and he realized he had only dreamed it was a snake. He had become a light sleeper ever since Shadyn was killed just over a week ago, seeing firsthand how suddenly and easily something terrible could happen and a life be taken. He had never been so careful in his life. But as it registered in his brain that Drea was crying, he decided it would be best to go back to sleep.
     So that is of course what he tried to do. But despite how tired he was, something kept nagging at him to get up and talk to her. And he kept resisting. He wondered if it was the gods speaking to him. No, it can't be, he thought. That would be stupid. You're just going to get me yelled at again and I don't deserve to be treated that way. She always wants to be alone anyway. He went on arguing that way for a long minute or so, only waking himself up more in his extravagant efforts to hold onto his right to sleep. Finally he wondered who he was even arguing with. Obviously he didn't want to do it, so whoever was trying to convince him couldn't have been himself. Recognizing his defeat, he surrendered to the voices of destiny, even if it was stupid.
     Slowly, he got up with his thick, woolly blanket, which he'd gotten from the Akylases several years before, and walked over to where Drea was hunched over with her back to him. Well this is awkward, he thought, wondering what he was supposed to do or say next. Then he followed an instinct and simply sat down next to her, waiting for her to tell him to go away. And he kept waiting for that, and the silent minute or so that went by seemed to last for ages as he noticed her shivering, until he finally asked, "Are you cold?"
     She nodded her head, and he lifted the large blanket from his shoulders to encompass her as well, then sat quietly again for another minute or so.
     "I'm sorry, Ajnin," he was surprised to hear her saying. And yet he was also surprised that she didn't say anything more. He was beginning to wonder if he'd imagined it when she spoke again. "I said a lot of things I shouldn't have because I was mad. You've always been there for me and been more than a good friend. We've just gotten so different. But I never hated you or anything." She sniffled. "I probably couldn't hate you if I tried."
     "Did you try?" he found himself asking.
     She laughed a little in surprise and possibly nervousness. "I don't know," she said.
     "Well, you convinced me," he said straightforwardly. "Was that the idea?"
     "Well, I wouldn't say that," she said.
     Of course you wouldn't, he thought. But he just grunted, "Hm."
     "What?" she laughed.
     "Nothing," he said. "I just wouldn't expect you to say that even if it was true."
     "Shut up," she said, and he could hear that old smirk in her voice as she playfully bumped his shoulder with hers. Then they sat silently, watching the starry sky. It was good to have her back. And what had they fought about anyway? There was the fact that he wanted her to be more considerate of her family. And him. But now she was on her way with him to visit them, so he wasn't too upset about that. Other than that, it was their different ways of life that she had turned into a war. And there was her overall coldness and aggression toward him ever since that argument. But that was all fading away. A sense of peace descended upon him in the quiet, like the comforting blanket that enveloped them both.
     "You know," she said softly, breaking the silence, "when Shadyn was dying, more than anything I wished my ma was there. She might've been able to save him. And even if not, I would've felt better just to have her with me." She looked down and sniffled. She had stopped crying a few minutes before, but her nose hadn't gotten the message yet. "She was always there for me whenever I hurt myself when I was little, even if I wasn't cooperative. I thought I didn't need any help. I probably thought that until my horse was dying and I felt helpless, powerless. Is there a worse feeling than that?"
     Ajnin thought of all the times he wanted to help her, protect her, or even just know for sure that she was safe, and she'd made it impossible. "Probably not," he agreed. "I've just had to learn sometimes in life that there are things I have absolutely no control over, and that trying to control them is only going to make my life harder. And I don't know if you believe in the gods at all anymore, but I know I'm always better off when I let them place the stars in the sky, no matter how much I want to have a say in how they do it."
     "I don't know," she said. "I think we might have a say in it. And I think they might really be out there somewhere, running things, making things happen that wouldn't have happened by accident. I'm glad you showed up in Chang Khu. I didn't realize how much I missed you - not until I pranked you again," she laughed.
     "You're so mean," he said, acting offended.
     "And you love it," she teased.
     "Shut up," he snickered.
     "I just hope Ma's okay," she said, suddenly changing the subject. "Viggo sounded pretty worried, but I know he takes good care of her. I didn't think much of it when I read the letter, but I've been really worried about her lately."
     "We'll get there soon enough," Ajnin assured her. "We've been making good time, and should reach Luna Land within a week. From there it should take about two weeks to get to Battle Creek. Unless, of course, we never get any sleep, in which case we'll probably get disoriented and die in a desert. I'm heading back to bed so I at least can hopefully prevent that from happening." He yawned and stood up.
     "You're right," she said. "See you in the morning - if I haven't left without you."
     "Whatever," he said tiredly, stumbling back to his spot with his blanket draped over his shoulders.
     By the time she laid back down, he was already asleep. She found herself looking at his face for longer than she would want him to ever know, and suddenly it dawned on her how much he'd grown up since they played together. So many things in her life had changed, largely due to her own choices, but from the very beginning of her life to now, Ajnin was always there. He was in the middle of everything that made her who she was, everything that mattered most to her. In some ways, he was like a second brother. But that wasn't quite it. Rune was truly like an older sister to her. But Rune didn't come looking for her, which Drea was convinced Ajnin had done, despite the fact that he'd never said that to her.
     And truth be told, she'd always known she could count on him. Even as teenagers, whenever she wanted to go on some kind of adventure, she knew she could get Viggo to come because he worried about her. But she could get Ajnin to come because he wanted to - the crazier the idea, the better. "If you guys get hurt--" Viggo would say, and Ajnin would finish, "--you'll fix us, good as new!" And if they went too deep into the woods and got lost when it was getting dark, it was always Viggo's intuitive inner compass that got them back out.
     She missed Viggo. But seeing Ajnin sleeping nearby was a major comfort, unlike anything she'd felt since she'd been out on her own. If she could admit it, she even felt overwhelmingly safe with him around, and she wouldn't want to be separated from him again. Not that she wouldn't be back out on her own after this visit to Battle Creek. Of course she would.
     She rolled over, no longer facing him, and a rush of warmth and happiness came over her as she curled up on the hard ground, closing her eyes with an involuntary peaceful smile on her face as she began to drift into pleasant dreams. Then she opened them suddenly in alarm. No no no no no! she thought. This is not happening. Gods, if you make me fall in love with him, I will personally hunt you down and skin you!
     The next day, as they continued their journey, they covered a good distance, then stopped for the night in a village where Drea had some friends. They first stopped at her friend Farouq's house, as it was on the outer edge of the village. He was pleasantly surprised to see her, and went on with them to Mohamed and Mai's, a brother and sister. When Mai came to the door and saw who had knocked, she screamed in excitement and threw her arms around Drea.
     It was a happy reunion, even for Ajnin, who'd never met them. But he was welcomed and Drea introduced him to her friends, as he'd introduced her to his, and things were looking up for him. The only disappointment, apparently, was that Mohamed wasn't there to be a part of it. It turned out he had gone traveling to look for an aifone, a rare stone that he could sell for a lot of money. Regardless, everyone present enjoyed each other's company. Eventually Ajnin and Farouq got into a religious debate, each thinking they could convince the other of their own religion, and Drea and Mai stayed up late talking and laughing happily on the porch. A good time was had by all, one way or another.
     A few days later, Ajnin and Drea found themselves coming up the first hill that marked the beginning of Luna Land. As they reached the top, they stopped their horses to take in the view. Ajnin's childhood home was on the next hill, where his parents still lived. Rune's family lived on that hill as well, where she and her man had built their own house nearby. In the left side of their panoramic view, the Gelao family had grown up. Faleni, the oldest, lived farther out that way with her family and was still close friends with Rune. With six children, the Gelao family added quite a number to the Miranite group that gathered for leelighs. And most still lived here in Luna Land.
     But at the top of the highest hill was a structure like no other - the ophrysial. The way the large glass dome reflected the sun, it sometimes looked like it was on fire, such as now. And next to it, not nearly as impressive, was the small Akylas home. Home. It had been a few years since Drea had even laid eyes on it, and she wasn't sure how to feel. On that hill and all around it were all the places where she had experienced her first adventures, met her first friends, learned her first lessons, and made her first decisions. Bought her first horse. She became so overwhelmed with emotion, she quickly got her horse galloping ahead, not about to let Ajnin see her that way. He'd already caught her crying the other night and she wasn't going to let that happen again.
     When they arrived at Hapak's, he wasn't home, so they went on to see if he was in the ophrysial. The empty house looked desolate just knowing he was the only Akylas who still lived there, like a lonely king on a mountain. The rolling hills around and below him were all called Luna Land because of the influence he'd had on the community. It was as if it was his kingdom, and it flourished. But his own castle was deserted. And as they stepped onto the triangular patio of smooth white marble, it was as if they prepared themselves to enter the throne room to discuss a delicate matter with the king.
     He was sitting on the slightly raised circular platform in the middle as they entered the dome, playing his eliera. It wasn't one of the happy melodies they were used to hearing, or one of the songs they used to sing around the house or at leelighs. It sounded original, but not his usual style. He was so caught up in the beautiful but lamentful music that he didn't notice Ajnin and Drea until they had slowly walked halfway across the blue stone floor toward him. He stopped playing, set aside the instrument, and rose to his feet, looking shocked. "Drea? Is that you?" he asked.
     She had planned what to say, but now she couldn't find the words. Being back on her father's turf felt like a strange dream. She could tell he was still taking in how different she looked, and she was taking in what had become of her proud father. They hadn't seen each other since she was 16, when she decided to make her own rules. Now she'd been on her own for nearly four years and was an independent adult. And in case he thought she was there to apologize, she just stood where she was and stared him down until he looked to Ajnin for an explanation.
     "I found her in Chang Khu," Ajnin said, "and we got a letter from Viggo saying Epifany isn't doing well and he wants us to go to Battle Creek." He looked at Drea, whose eyes still burned, then back at Hapak. "We're in a hurry to get there, but we thought we should see if you want to come along. If you need a day to get ready or something, we can wait for you."
     Hapak sighed. "I got a letter from Epifany," he said. "She asked me to come too. But what did she do whenever I asked her to come home? She said she couldn't, even though her mother had died and she didn't have any obligations there anymore. Now she wants me to leave home like everyone else has, so she says she thinks she's dying. And I'm supposed to jump at her every beck and call. No, I'm not standing for her manipulations and trying to guilt me into doing what she wants."
     "I don't think she's--" Ajnin began.
     "Listen," Drea said fiercely, "I only came here for my mother, not for you. And you know full well that she's not the one with control issues. So if you want to come up with filthy lies about my mother, we'll be on our way and you can talk to the walls of your empty house you chased everyone out of."
     "If she's not manipulative," Hapak said, "she can prove it by coming home. I never said any of you weren't welcome here!"
     "She's sick!" Drea exclaimed. "She's not going anywhere! That's on us this time!"
     "She's not that bad off," Hapak argued, "don't be ridiculous. That's an appalling exaggeration."
     "You said she thinks she's dying!"
     "She may have said that, but she's not dying," he insisted. "She's only 45 years old. If there's anything wrong with her, it isn't anything that can't be cured by a proper Miran diet and exercise."
     "Have you lost your mind?!" Drea was shocked.
     Dumbfounded, Ajnin spoke up. "I don't think I know anyone who eats better or works harder than Epifany, so that doesn't really make sense."
     "Maybe, maybe not," Hapak said. "But I'm sickened that she would lie about such a thing and try to make me feel guilty for her faults! It's despicable." And he shook his head.
     "We never should've come here," Drea said. "You live in a false reality where everything's about you, and if it's challenged by the facts, you close your eyes. Maybe you should consider growing up, preferably before you've killed the one person who still loves you for some reason."
     "Don't put this on me. She knows her way home, but she expects me to leave everything I'm doing here--"
     "Oh right," Drea said sarcastically, "because it's so important and no one could replace you if you left to do your actual duty." And she stormed out of the ophrysial. Hapak followed, but soon she got on her horse and took off toward the woods. Ajnin tried to reason with him for a few more minutes, but it was futile. Shocked, Ajnin climbed onto his horse and went after Drea, who by comparison to her father, seemed like a perfectly reasonable person right about now, despite all the struggles he'd had with her. He soon caught up with her, because he knew where to find her in the woods. She was sitting up in the tree house she and Ajnin and Viggo had built, cradling her head in her arms. He climbed up and sat next to her in silent disbelief.
     "Viggo sounded worried, but he didn't say she was dying," she said without lifting her head. "Apparently she's gotten worse since we last heard. If she told Dad she thought she was dying," she said shakily, "then she believes she is. I just hope she's wrong."
     "When do you want to leave?" Ajnin asked.
     "Now," Drea said, getting up. "We should've left as soon as we got the letter."