One day in May she was looking through things in her childhood room. She hadn't taken much with her when she had left home for an adventure with the young man she loved, but as she had very few belongings anyway, there wasn't much left either. She found a few scraps of paper with some of her favorite words from the Legends and Narsil, which she had written down to remind her of them or to help her commit them to memory. Still more papers here and there contained recipes for herbal concoctions in her teenage handwriting. They had been left in case her mother needed them, as Epifany had memorized them all by the time she left. Seeing them made her miss her mother. Her eyes wandered to the stash of letters she had written to her mother over the years. She thought about reading them, but she had already done that a couple times since she'd been back home - once with her mother, and again sometime after her death.
She looked around the room and her eyes landed on her collection of journals from her teenage years. She hadn't looked at these for a long time. As she began to slowly flip through some of the pages, she remembered how much she'd loved writing in them. But after moving to Kharma, she had devoted that time and effort to writing letters instead, to a handful of family and friends.
As she opened one of the journals, a letter fell out. Picking it up, she could tell immediately that it was from Hapak by the handwriting. He had always put in that effort to make it look fancy when he wrote to her, though he didn't write much other than that and his normal handwriting was not so impressive. But that had made it all the more impressive to her when she was young because of the extra effort he put in for her, and it had always made her laugh that he thought it was so important. She thought she had taken all of those letters to Kharma, but apparently this one had been forgotten, hidden among the journals. It was a little discolored from age, being 25 years old, but otherwise still in good condition. With mixed feelings, she began to read.
June, Year 171 vc
To Epifany, my beloved -
Not a day goes by that I don't wish you were by my side, but I keep working, knowing that everything I do here is for you and for our future together. The foundation and framework for our house is done - "our house," is it just me or does it still make you want to sing when you think of it? I can hardly wait until it becomes a reality and I can return to Miras to get you and bring you home with me. Did I mention that I love you more than words can say? I know it's difficult having to be so far apart, but just wait for me to come home. It'll never have to happen again then, I can promise you that. In the meantime, though I can't be with you in person, you can keep me in your pocket in the form of this letter or any of the others. That's what I do with your letters - except sometimes when I'm working on the house. With all the chaos, I could lose them. And then I'd never forgive myself.I read part of your last one to a new friend today when I got it. I told him I had the most devoted girl in the world, and he said you were lucky to have me. Alright, so he actually said we were lucky to have each other. Regardless, he laughed at your stories about training the puppy. I look forward to meeting Carlyn, and thank the gods for providing her to make our new family and livelihood more complete.
Thaniel is my friend's name, and I suspect you'll be hearing about him a lot. He's almost always helping me with the house, and other neighbors pitch in when it's too much for the two of us. I'm glad you're happy with simple and small things, because that makes my job easier. There will definitely be a sky room on top though. The gods have provided the means and materials, and I plan to use them. Thaniel sometimes laughs at me when I get enthusiastic about that or other Miran subjects, but it's all good-natured, and I have a good feeling about him. He's in his thirties and he and his woman have a sweet eight-year-old girl and just welcomed a newborn boy only days ago. I got to meet him because I often eat at their house. Holding him made me think of you and how happy I am that you will be the mother of my children.
As I've told you, no one has seen a brush serpent in this area for over a decade, but I've gone over all our land carefully and meticulously anyway, just to be sure. I don't want to miss anything because it's your safety and that of the little Akylases on the line. But there's nothing to worry about. I haven't seen any sign of the species, and the goats have already begun to keep the weeds and brush under control, so I can't imagine where a brush serpent could hide even if one did end up here.
Thank you so much for your letter. It means so much to me to hear from you. I know this one isn't as long as yours, but I've got to get back to work, Pif. And in answer to your question, it's looking like it'll be done by July at this rate. And yes, we can stay with our families for a few days when I return, but I'm eager to get back here together and start our life, hopefully in August. We'll see them all again. Also I just can't wait for you to be here so I can show off the house I built you (well, I might've had just a little help).
Enclosed is a blue stone I found in the dirt. I know it's just a rock, but it reminded me of your eyes, and like you, I couldn't pass it by. I'm so glad I found you. So I tied it to a string so you can wear it around your neck and thus I'll be next to your heart, right where I want to be. Gods be with you, and I'll see you soon.
In Gadriel's love, yours always,
Hapak
Over the years since then, the string had worn out, broken, and was eventually thrown away. But the stone Epifany kept all that time. When the ophrysial was being built, Hapak was able to gather enough of those blue stones (much bigger pieces) to floor the dome with them. He wanted the iris of the ophrysial to be the color of his woman's and his son's. "That way I can spend more time in your eyes," he'd said. It was a sweet gesture, but in the end it didn't change the fact that he didn't actually spend the quality time she yearned to spend together as a family and as soulmates. He didn't appreciate the simplicity that would have made life happy for her, and thus kept her from having it either.
By the time Drea was born, it was becoming clear that young Viggo took after his mother in temperament and interests. He may have inherited his wispy brown waves from his father, and he may have been their little man, but he was destined to grow into a different sort of man than his role model. Like his mother, he loved simplicity and required only the humble cycle of giving and receiving love for his happiness. His sister, on the other hand, always wanted what she didn't have, and Hapak encouraged her willful spirit, with the exception of the times when it inevitably crossed his own. For the first several years of this, Epifany stood by in confusion as the father of her children consistently unraveled her own efforts to train and mold her daughter as she saw fit. But gradually she began to stand firm for her standards, regardless of the cost.
And so the Akylas family gradually lost their illusion of peace, as Hapak's leadership was challenged. His pride would rather blame his woman than humble himself to her and change his ways to match his profession of following Gadriel's example. She tried to reason with him, but learned that he was not trying as she was to be reasonable and do what was right, but to convince her that he was right, and that she was wrong. So their relationship grew more consistently cold and distant.
It wasn't surprising that Drea turned out the way she did - restlessness and strife's daughter. It was beginning before she was even born, before she was conceived. Anger and self-will burned at her core, revealing itself in storms of temper when she was challenged, and in a constant fighter's mentality which caused even her affection to often manifest itself through lighthearted arguing and rudeness. But Viggo's first few years were different. At worst, he didn't get as much of his beloved daddy as he wanted to, but this only caused his heart to turn to his mother for the love and attention he craved, adapting to her kind of soul-nourishment and stability.
He was born exactly one year after his parents settled in their new home together, hardly out of their teens. They were happy and got along with each other easily. Strife between the two lovebirds was uncommon and quickly resolved, and no one expected that to ever change. They were the perfect match, the exemplary couple. Their love was unquestionable. Viggo was the son of love and strength.
Epifany missed those days more than her heart could take, despite the fact that the love and happiness were never fully real. Truth be told, she probably would never have asked for change if she hadn't had her children to be responsible for. She simply loved Hapak too much. But there could be no turning back if she tried - she knew too much, and would no longer be satisfied with his standards of love. So she looked at the letter with a painful emptiness in the pit of her stomach.
Soon Alethes popped in the doorway. "Epifany, do you want some water?"
"Oh," she responded tiredly, "umm... yes, I suppose so, if it's not too much trouble."
"I have a glass of water for you right here," Alethes smiled, holding it in her hand. "It's no trouble." She sat down next to Epifany on the bed and handed her the glass, glimpsing at the slightly yellowed letter but not wanting to be invasive. After Epifany thanked her, Alethes asked, "Reading old letters?"
"Well, just this one. I found it in one of my old journals." She sighed. "It's from Hapak, 25 years ago, when he was building our house and I was still here, waiting for him."
Alethes nodded in silence.
"It's strange," Epifany continued, her eyes still on the letter in her lap, "it seems I've spent my entire life waiting for him... before I knew him, and then the times he left.... Even after I went with him, eventually I found myself waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to spend more time with us, waiting for him to make things right that were wrong.... But he never changed his ways and things got worse. So now I'm not there anymore. I'm here, waiting to see the man I fell in love with again - the man I thought he was, thought he could be."
"Waiting is the most exhausting thing you can do in life, isn't it?" Alethes said, looking at the floor of the humble room.
"It might be," Epifany answered. "He gave me hope. Came into my life just when I needed him. And I felt like I could conquer the world. I guess he's always meant hope, and a future, to me. You can read this if you want, I don't mind. I know it would be driving me crazy if I were you."
"It's okay, I'm already crazy," Alethes laughed. "But yeah, I'll read it."
Epifany lay back after passing the letter to her and watched as she read pensively, smiling at some parts. It had been two months already since Alethes had come to their home, and they had all grown surprisingly comfortable with each other for strangers living in the same house. But Alethes was respectful, kind, and warm to them, as they were to her, and it felt like they'd known each other much longer - except, of course, for the fact that there was still very much that Epifany and Viggo didn't know about Alethes, where she came from and where she was going.
But she had made significant progress since her first awakening, when Narsil's song triggered some of her memories. In the month since then, plenty of her memories had been triggered randomly, mostly involving Miran history, beliefs, tradition, and culture. She was even able to recite or sing various words from the Legends and Narsil, and eventually remembered her palomino mare's name was Whinnem (named after the whinnying sound she made). Sure enough, she'd look when that name was called. Didn't mean she'd always come though.
No one had really expected Alethes was a Miran, but she was. And it was becoming apparent how familiar she was with the world she lived in. Now it was her personal life, family and friends, that remained a mystery.
Alethes laughed. "He was really sweet. I can see how you fell for him." And she handed it back to Epifany, who wearily laid it on her lap. Alethes's laugh had added a soothing joy to her life the past couple of months, but it couldn't cheer her up now. Gloom settled into the atmosphere, and she was too exhausted to shake it. Finally she spoke.
"In his last letter from a month ago, he said I wasn't the girl he fell in love with. What does that even mean? I've only tried to follow my convictions. But he can't seem to understand."
"You're not that girl," Alethes said. "You're a strong, independent-minded woman who stands by what she believes in. You've grown, as we all should but too many don't. That's nothing to be ashamed of."
"I know," Epifany sighed. "I just wish he understood. Now he thinks I'm selfish and stubborn, when in reality the last thing I wanted to do was be torn from him. But that's what my convictions led to. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing what the gods wanted. They led me to my man - I know it - but then they seem to have led me away from him. And I miss him more than anything, but then I remember some of the things he's said and done, and it just hurts."
"You know in your heart that you did the right thing," Alethes said. "And I'm pretty sure he knows it too. He's just not ready to tell you that, because he probably thinks he can change you if he has leverage. I know he makes it sound like he doesn't love you anymore or miss you like you miss him, but it's all a show. I've seen people do this before. Of course, I can't seem to figure out who...." Her face bore the expression of confusion.
Epifany laughed. "Sometimes I have wondered if that was what was going on.... I mean he hasn't always been completely honest.... But in the end it just sounds crazy. I mean, I would never do that!"
"Exactly!" Alethes said. "That's because you two aren't alike. You only want to bring out the best in him, because you love him and you've always seen the good in him. That's your motive, so of course you're going to be honest with him and do whatever you think will help him, and of course you're still shocked that he hasn't accepted it like you would have. But he doesn't have the same motive as you. He does love you, but he loves himself more. So he tries to change you so he can have you back the way things were. And he definitely knows how much you love him, so he thinks you will change if you think he doesn't love you as you are now. Am I confusing you?"
"No, I think I see what you're saying," Epifany said thoughtfully.
"I guess my point is," continued Alethes, "the only thing he doesn't understand, is that things can never be the way they were. And maybe he can't see that because he's too afraid to face the unknown and actually try to change himself instead of others." Her face was serious and sympathetic, as if she'd just thought of this now.
"It makes sense, in a strange way," Epifany said. "I've always known his mind worked differently than mine. And I loved it, because we balanced each other and made a great team. Except when it threw us off instead."
Alethes nodded, and they were quiet for a minute. Then she noticed a small stringed instrument laying in one corner of the room. "Is that yours?" she asked.
Epifany looked in the direction where Alethes was looking, and answered, "Yes. It's an--"
"--Eliera," Alethes finished, carefully picking up the light, harp-like instrument. "So you can play it?"
"I haven't really played since I was 20," Epifany explained. "I loved it then, but I didn't take it with me to Kharma. Hapak had one too, which I played now and then. But I had other things to do and he was so much better at it than I was."
"Oh, come on now," Alethes chuckled, "everyone has their own style."
"Well mine has gone out of style," Epifany said. "And I'm too tired these days to play it if I tried. Do you think you can play it?"
Alethes shrugged her shoulders, but as she held the old eliera and stroked its seven strings, her elbows, her hands, and every finger relaxed and seemed to find their places naturally. Soon melody filled the room, and peace filled both their hearts. When she had finished the song, she turned to Epifany and said, "I can only imagine how much you're struggling right now, but I believe everything will be okay. And I believe Hapak will come around. You've told him the truth. He'll accept it before long." She smiled positively.
"I hope so too," Epifany said softly. "In my reply to his last letter, I asked him to come, which I know he'll only do if he's had a change of heart. Sometimes I think that's all I need to survive this."
By the time Drea was born, it was becoming clear that young Viggo took after his mother in temperament and interests. He may have inherited his wispy brown waves from his father, and he may have been their little man, but he was destined to grow into a different sort of man than his role model. Like his mother, he loved simplicity and required only the humble cycle of giving and receiving love for his happiness. His sister, on the other hand, always wanted what she didn't have, and Hapak encouraged her willful spirit, with the exception of the times when it inevitably crossed his own. For the first several years of this, Epifany stood by in confusion as the father of her children consistently unraveled her own efforts to train and mold her daughter as she saw fit. But gradually she began to stand firm for her standards, regardless of the cost.
And so the Akylas family gradually lost their illusion of peace, as Hapak's leadership was challenged. His pride would rather blame his woman than humble himself to her and change his ways to match his profession of following Gadriel's example. She tried to reason with him, but learned that he was not trying as she was to be reasonable and do what was right, but to convince her that he was right, and that she was wrong. So their relationship grew more consistently cold and distant.
It wasn't surprising that Drea turned out the way she did - restlessness and strife's daughter. It was beginning before she was even born, before she was conceived. Anger and self-will burned at her core, revealing itself in storms of temper when she was challenged, and in a constant fighter's mentality which caused even her affection to often manifest itself through lighthearted arguing and rudeness. But Viggo's first few years were different. At worst, he didn't get as much of his beloved daddy as he wanted to, but this only caused his heart to turn to his mother for the love and attention he craved, adapting to her kind of soul-nourishment and stability.
He was born exactly one year after his parents settled in their new home together, hardly out of their teens. They were happy and got along with each other easily. Strife between the two lovebirds was uncommon and quickly resolved, and no one expected that to ever change. They were the perfect match, the exemplary couple. Their love was unquestionable. Viggo was the son of love and strength.
Epifany missed those days more than her heart could take, despite the fact that the love and happiness were never fully real. Truth be told, she probably would never have asked for change if she hadn't had her children to be responsible for. She simply loved Hapak too much. But there could be no turning back if she tried - she knew too much, and would no longer be satisfied with his standards of love. So she looked at the letter with a painful emptiness in the pit of her stomach.
Soon Alethes popped in the doorway. "Epifany, do you want some water?"
"Oh," she responded tiredly, "umm... yes, I suppose so, if it's not too much trouble."
"I have a glass of water for you right here," Alethes smiled, holding it in her hand. "It's no trouble." She sat down next to Epifany on the bed and handed her the glass, glimpsing at the slightly yellowed letter but not wanting to be invasive. After Epifany thanked her, Alethes asked, "Reading old letters?"
"Well, just this one. I found it in one of my old journals." She sighed. "It's from Hapak, 25 years ago, when he was building our house and I was still here, waiting for him."
Alethes nodded in silence.
"It's strange," Epifany continued, her eyes still on the letter in her lap, "it seems I've spent my entire life waiting for him... before I knew him, and then the times he left.... Even after I went with him, eventually I found myself waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to spend more time with us, waiting for him to make things right that were wrong.... But he never changed his ways and things got worse. So now I'm not there anymore. I'm here, waiting to see the man I fell in love with again - the man I thought he was, thought he could be."
"Waiting is the most exhausting thing you can do in life, isn't it?" Alethes said, looking at the floor of the humble room.
"It might be," Epifany answered. "He gave me hope. Came into my life just when I needed him. And I felt like I could conquer the world. I guess he's always meant hope, and a future, to me. You can read this if you want, I don't mind. I know it would be driving me crazy if I were you."
"It's okay, I'm already crazy," Alethes laughed. "But yeah, I'll read it."
Epifany lay back after passing the letter to her and watched as she read pensively, smiling at some parts. It had been two months already since Alethes had come to their home, and they had all grown surprisingly comfortable with each other for strangers living in the same house. But Alethes was respectful, kind, and warm to them, as they were to her, and it felt like they'd known each other much longer - except, of course, for the fact that there was still very much that Epifany and Viggo didn't know about Alethes, where she came from and where she was going.
But she had made significant progress since her first awakening, when Narsil's song triggered some of her memories. In the month since then, plenty of her memories had been triggered randomly, mostly involving Miran history, beliefs, tradition, and culture. She was even able to recite or sing various words from the Legends and Narsil, and eventually remembered her palomino mare's name was Whinnem (named after the whinnying sound she made). Sure enough, she'd look when that name was called. Didn't mean she'd always come though.
No one had really expected Alethes was a Miran, but she was. And it was becoming apparent how familiar she was with the world she lived in. Now it was her personal life, family and friends, that remained a mystery.
Alethes laughed. "He was really sweet. I can see how you fell for him." And she handed it back to Epifany, who wearily laid it on her lap. Alethes's laugh had added a soothing joy to her life the past couple of months, but it couldn't cheer her up now. Gloom settled into the atmosphere, and she was too exhausted to shake it. Finally she spoke.
"In his last letter from a month ago, he said I wasn't the girl he fell in love with. What does that even mean? I've only tried to follow my convictions. But he can't seem to understand."
"You're not that girl," Alethes said. "You're a strong, independent-minded woman who stands by what she believes in. You've grown, as we all should but too many don't. That's nothing to be ashamed of."
"I know," Epifany sighed. "I just wish he understood. Now he thinks I'm selfish and stubborn, when in reality the last thing I wanted to do was be torn from him. But that's what my convictions led to. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really doing what the gods wanted. They led me to my man - I know it - but then they seem to have led me away from him. And I miss him more than anything, but then I remember some of the things he's said and done, and it just hurts."
"You know in your heart that you did the right thing," Alethes said. "And I'm pretty sure he knows it too. He's just not ready to tell you that, because he probably thinks he can change you if he has leverage. I know he makes it sound like he doesn't love you anymore or miss you like you miss him, but it's all a show. I've seen people do this before. Of course, I can't seem to figure out who...." Her face bore the expression of confusion.
Epifany laughed. "Sometimes I have wondered if that was what was going on.... I mean he hasn't always been completely honest.... But in the end it just sounds crazy. I mean, I would never do that!"
"Exactly!" Alethes said. "That's because you two aren't alike. You only want to bring out the best in him, because you love him and you've always seen the good in him. That's your motive, so of course you're going to be honest with him and do whatever you think will help him, and of course you're still shocked that he hasn't accepted it like you would have. But he doesn't have the same motive as you. He does love you, but he loves himself more. So he tries to change you so he can have you back the way things were. And he definitely knows how much you love him, so he thinks you will change if you think he doesn't love you as you are now. Am I confusing you?"
"No, I think I see what you're saying," Epifany said thoughtfully.
"I guess my point is," continued Alethes, "the only thing he doesn't understand, is that things can never be the way they were. And maybe he can't see that because he's too afraid to face the unknown and actually try to change himself instead of others." Her face was serious and sympathetic, as if she'd just thought of this now.
"It makes sense, in a strange way," Epifany said. "I've always known his mind worked differently than mine. And I loved it, because we balanced each other and made a great team. Except when it threw us off instead."
Alethes nodded, and they were quiet for a minute. Then she noticed a small stringed instrument laying in one corner of the room. "Is that yours?" she asked.
Epifany looked in the direction where Alethes was looking, and answered, "Yes. It's an--"
"--Eliera," Alethes finished, carefully picking up the light, harp-like instrument. "So you can play it?"
"I haven't really played since I was 20," Epifany explained. "I loved it then, but I didn't take it with me to Kharma. Hapak had one too, which I played now and then. But I had other things to do and he was so much better at it than I was."
"Oh, come on now," Alethes chuckled, "everyone has their own style."
"Well mine has gone out of style," Epifany said. "And I'm too tired these days to play it if I tried. Do you think you can play it?"
Alethes shrugged her shoulders, but as she held the old eliera and stroked its seven strings, her elbows, her hands, and every finger relaxed and seemed to find their places naturally. Soon melody filled the room, and peace filled both their hearts. When she had finished the song, she turned to Epifany and said, "I can only imagine how much you're struggling right now, but I believe everything will be okay. And I believe Hapak will come around. You've told him the truth. He'll accept it before long." She smiled positively.
"I hope so too," Epifany said softly. "In my reply to his last letter, I asked him to come, which I know he'll only do if he's had a change of heart. Sometimes I think that's all I need to survive this."