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     Welcome to my free online book, "Witness in the Dark." I have published it here in the form of a blog. You may view it in a desktop version or a mobile version. I recommend the desktop version even if you're here on your phone, as I have more control over it and hence it's the version I've been able to design to look awesome as well as containing more features and being easier to navigate than the automatically generated mobile version. But you're welcome to discover which version works best for you. (On the mobile version, you'll also have to be more careful not to accidentally see spoilers. Just saying.) Click (or tap) on the following links to:

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     Last but not least, your feedback is welcome! Feel free to let me know if you have any problems viewing the book that I might be able to fix, or if you have something else to say!

Email me at:

thewritersinkhornnetwork@gmail.com

     I look forward to hearing from you, my fellow lumens!

--Dylann Gabrielle

Disclaimer: The opinions and ideas expressed by the various characters in this work are not necessarily those of the author. But then, some of them could be.

Dedication

"For our learning."

Introduction

     The world you are about to enter is indeed a very real one called Lumenagea - a world that is no closer to you nor farther from you than you yourself allow, a mysterious world few eyes have yet seen. Truly it is not unlike our own, though in some cases it may appear to be quite different. If you have not been there, you are likely to find it strange, for its people devote themselves to beliefs, traditions, customs, and manners in their cultures which even I myself cannot seem to understand, though I have been spending a good deal of my time visiting and studying them and even testing out their ways for myself.
     Nevertheless I certainly continue to find them an unfailingly fascinating set of folks, and wish with all my heart to share with you the enlightening depths of their virtues and vices, wisdom and folly, courage and sacrifice and cowardice and betrayal. For if this strange people has begun to open my eyes, they may also open yours. May their story shine a new light on your own, their struggles strengthen you in yours, their mistakes and wrongs motivate you to overcome your own weaknesses, their sacrifices inspire you, and their every true joy deepen your own.
     Now there are many realms in Lumenagea, as there are many nations in our own world. But I confess there is one in particular that has always absorbed my attention far more than any other, and that is the realm of Miras. It is a young kingdom, having been established less than 200 years ago. On the west, it borders the ancient kingdom of Arria, with which it shares a history any patriotic Miran would be sure to keep in remembrance. For there was a very dark time, and as they say, history repeats itself. And Mirans are taught to bear that in mind and be watchful.
     But if you are to become acquainted with the world of Lumenagea, I must help you get to know some of its people (called lumens) in as personal a manner as I can. Fortunately I have gotten to know a certain young lumen very well, whose past, present, and future are sure to reveal the deepest secrets of that mystical world. So I will do my very best to transport her thoughts, feelings, and experiences from her world to ours, and translate them sufficiently for the human mind to understand that of a lumen.
     Thankfully this lumen friend of ours has been a faithful journal-keeper from teenagehood, and I can share various entries to help fill in the gaps. To begin with, I think that the following journal entry of hers will do a better job of making introductions than I can:

Part One

...In the beginning...

Chapter 1: Welcome to My World

- Year 167 vc -

Hello journal,
     My name is Alethes Brighton. I am currently 16 years old. Technically I live within the realm of Arria, but my home is Miras, which is just down the hill from where I live. There's a creek down there - Battle Creek - which marks the border between Arria and Miras. I love the story behind the creek and its name.
     See, Arria had a terrible history of forcing their religion on people. Generation after generation of Arrian kings claimed to be gods - they were believed to be upright and sacred, even incapable of being wrong. This veil of so-called uprightness covered all kinds of wrongdoing. I don't even like to think of the injustice, cruelty, and filthy abuse that went on so commonly in those days under the kingship of Arria, when it practically ruled the world for centuries. But as a Miran, I know how important it is to remember what happened in history and take it seriously. It will happen again.
     I can't express what a wonderful privilege it is to be a Miran, to stand for all Miras has stood for from the beginning, to share in the great light that blesses us. It is a grave responsibility, really. I just think of all the people who go on in darkness, not realizing what they're missing. And I have to reach them. I want them to know what I have gained, and to share in the glorious light.
     ...You know, it's a good thing this isn't an actual book I'm writing. I've gotten so off-topic. It's just that the zeal overtakes me and I can't seem to help it. But maybe someday I'll be able to do some real writing, share my story and my light, and make a difference. And really, if I go on like this in my journal, as if I'm talking to someone who knows nothing of the things I know like the back of my hand, I guess it'll give me practice sharing the light with those in darkness. I hope I'll write faithfully.
     Anyway, in recent centuries, the kingship of Arria gradually became less powerful, and less openly barbaric. Not everyone always wanted to follow its dictates, and in spite of its use of force, of torture and death, people rebelled all the more against it. It was very stubborn, but over time, I guess it learned to accept the fact that some people simply would not follow its rule. I mean, those who rebelled set up their own governments anyway, establishing realms of their own where they did things the way they believed in, leaving behind whatever Arrian dictates they didn't believe in.
     But even just 200 years ago, there were some parts of the Arrian way that the new governments not only kept, but enforced. Foremost among them were the gatherings of the moon. Of course most Gadrians gather under the half moon even now, roughly twice a month. It doesn't matter what they say, the half moon celebration is an Arrian tradition! I'm going to be very blunt here with you, journal, though I would be very careful with people. You have no sensitive feelings, no preconceived ideas, as they do. And they cannot help it.
     Those who rebelled against the Arrian kingship in recent centuries did so at a great price. I feel so inspired when I read of their courage, to stand up to such a great and terrible empire for what they believed in. But I am saddened that as time moved forward, they stayed where they were. And when the descendants of the rebels saw people struggling to progress two centuries ago, they did not share the empathy which their own history ought to have aroused in their hearts, but rather made things even harder on those who already had the difficult task before them of blazing a new trail.
     And that is the part of the story I meant to tell from the beginning of this entry - how our young kingdom of Miras came to be.
     Most people believed in Gadrianism, but of course there are different kinds of Gadrianism, as the Gadrian Legends have been repeated so many different ways. Arrian Gadrianism claims to be the oldest and truest form, but we know that isn't true. I mean, Gadriel himself celebrated the full moon, not the half moon. He was and is the light that shines in the dark, the god of the moon, and it honors him most when we honor the moon at its fullest light. I know most Arrians and other half-moon Gadrians don't realize what they're doing, but the half moon celebration originally wasn't even Gadrian. Long ago, when Arria converted to the worship of Gadriel, they brought the celebration of the half moon into Gadrianism from their old religion. Know what it represents? Well it's pretty obvious if you just actually think about it. Just look at the half moon - a half circle of light instead of a full and perfect circle of light. The other half lies in the dark. And that's what they celebrate: light and darkness, good and evil. We really ought to cut off evil entirely and embrace only good.
     Anyway, close to 200 years ago, people from various lands were discovering new light. They were going over the Legends and noticing things they'd missed. Some of the old prophecies created quite a stir. They realized Gadriel would soon visit Lumenagea and everything would change. Those who had pleased Nalick, the pure goddess of the sun, would return with Gadriel to his perfect and beautiful kingdom on the moon (the Kingdom of Light). But those who had brought upon themselves the displeasure of Nalick would be sent to the sun, where they would suffer being burned alive. It sounds awful I suppose, but Nalick is very serious, and rightly so, like a parent who understands the need for discipline, as love requires. And Gadriel, well he has visited our world before as a lumen and knows what it's like to be one of us, so he's the more understanding parent, you know? Nalick's perfect purity itself would burn up anyone in her presence who was not pure. But Gadriel is pure enough for her presence, so he's the go-between for her and us lumens. That is only for now. One day we will be pure ourselves, if we choose.
     Well, the majority wasn't into the whole return-of-Gadriel thing. Most Gadrians were content to stay in Lumenagea and continue life as usual, assuring themselves that death was the portal to the Kingdom of Light and that they would join Gadriel there at the end of their lives, and no sooner. Those who believed he would come soon became very serious, wanting more than anything to be in good standing before Nalick, to be faithful and close to Gadriel.
     And oh, how I want that too. That's why I love our history, because it reminds me of what's important and worth fighting for. So now that I've started this journal with the story of our beginnings, I think I'll just keep coming back to it until I've written as much as it takes to satisfy me. Who knows? Maybe someday I will be able to share this story with others. By then I should be a better writer, if I'm practicing now. But I can't do it all at once! I'm rather exhausted already. This has been quite a lot to write in one morning. Now to take on the day! But I promise you journal, I shall be back!

Chapter 2: Little Man

Little light in the night, 

Show our world the way home, 

Show us that it can be done - 

Live the way of life. 

Like a spark in the dark, 

Set aflame our lamps that died, 

Keep our dying ones alive, 

Melt our frozen hearts.

Until we all shall do our part, 

And our whole family shall rise -

Above the hatred, above the lies,

To overcome all darkness -

Be our Witness.

- Year 172 vc -

     On this particular evening, Epifany Akylas was the happiest, most exhausted person in the world probably. It had been hours since the tiny boy in her arms had found his way out of the shelter of her womb and into a great big world, but her joy and awe were only deepening. She couldn't stop studying the small bundle curled up in her bosom - his tiny feet and hands and especially his innocent face. He knew nothing of his future, nor did he care. He did not worry, nor even wonder what life had in store for him, or who he would become. He just lay in his mother's grateful arms asleep, breathing in, breathing out, a perfect portrait of peace and trust, as she listened and watched his little chest swell and deflate with every breath. Carefully, so as not to disturb his peaceful slumber, she put her ear to his chest, listening for soft, steady thumps. And she grinned at each little sign of life, because it was the grandest miracle she'd ever known.

     When Hapak returned to the room and put some supper beside her, she knew it was time to give him another turn holding his firstborn son. But she peered into his sweet face just a little longer as Hapak made his way to the other side of the bed and sat down, scooting next to her and gazing over her shoulder into the face that had enchanted them both. Then he drew his arm around her shoulders and whispered, "You know, I'm actually doing you a favor, Pif."
     She laughed quietly and gently began to shift the bundle, answering, "I know, and it's very sweet of you."
     "I would think you'd be hungry after all that," he said, "I know I was, and my job was relatively easy."
     "Yes," she said, "I suppose I am hungry." Soon the baby was successfully passed from her arms to his, but his sleeping eyes had opened, and he stared straight ahead, wide-eyed, at his father's face. "Well, who's this?" Hapak gently teased, "Why, if it isn't Viggo, our little man!"

     Little man. Epifany had grown up without a father to exemplify a good man to her. That had never been her lot in life, but her hope had been only to meet one to spend her life with, and to raise one with him. And now, a year after joining the man of her dreams in a home of their own, her second dream was being realized. This child would be a man one day, and his parents had bestowed him with a strong name - Viggo, meaning "battle, fight." But they had learned after choosing the name that it had another meaning, of quite a milder nature: "one who lies in a cradle."

     This young mother's goals for her child were simple: to provide him with the perfect childhood she'd lived without, protected by a secure, loving, and complete family to keep him safe, happy, and free to absorb all the learning and simple pleasures childhood could offer. And in time he would grow to be a strong, honorable, and gentle man, an example worthy of admiration in a world lacking such men. His life, both as a child and an adult, would be an influence to light up the world. Selfishness would never be permitted to take root in him, and he would add no darkness to this world already dark, but only ever light, love, truth, and happiness.

     Hapak took a break from talking and cooing to his little one, and turning to his woman, he noticed she still sat looking intently at Viggo and neglecting her food. "Well?" he hinted, nodding toward her supper. She smiled and after kissing Hapak's cheek she turned her attention to the meal he'd brought her, beaming as he sang to Viggo whatever came to his mind.

Chapter 3: Like Wildfire

- Year 167 vc -

Hello journal,

 Cast out every distraction!

 I want to hear your call.

I've no reason to fight

 If I can't give it my all.

 Let nothing be my fall.

     This has definitely got to be one of my very favorite verses from Narsil. It's very good for me now, as it was a few days ago when I first discovered it. You see, I'm really struggling with something that's... um... distracting. I want to make sure I'm true to my highest potential, and Gadriel's calling for my life. I want that more than anything. But I don't know what his plan is for my future, and it's hard to not go crazy wondering sometimes. My gods, is it hard! Give me patience, please!
     Anyway, the verse also reminds me of our Miran ancestors, which I've been planning to get back to that story anyway. Oh, well that's redundant. Oops. Anyway (last time I say that word), I'll continue right where I left off.
     While a lot of people weren't fond of the awakening of those who came to believe that Gadriel was about to return, it still spread like wildfire (now that's a reference you'll get later). People all over started gathering together to read the Legends and study into the long-ignored prophecies, in spite of the disapproval of various relatives, friends, neighbors, and spiritual leaders.
     There was a certain prophecy, and I confess I'm not sure where to find it or what exactly it says... I'll have to look into that.... But it was a sort of a riddle. Finally they cracked the code and realized that Gadriel would not only come soon, but it specified a certain year. By then they were to have prepared their hearts to go back with him to the Kingdom of Light. And one more thing - they were to meet him in the uninhabited wilderness east of Arria.
     That wilderness was surrounded by other realms. So many bordered it, yet it remained uninhabited. Apparently people used to live there, like ages ago, but they were tragically killed off by a pestilence. No one dared to inhabit it since then, like they were being superstitious about the place. Plus in all that time it did become quite wild. Nature had taken over by the time anyone understood the call to return one last time.
     So at the time appointed, all kinds of people migrated to that wilderness. It wasn't easy. They camped out there in the wild and for a while they kept thinking Gadriel would reveal himself any moment, which was a happy thought - to meet him and go to live in his kingdom any moment? It sounds very happy to me. You know, the Legends say that in the Kingdom of Light,

The very ground beneath their feet glows with a silver light,

And the stars show themselves both day and night.... 

From strife and sorrow we shall find release, 

Our hearts absorbing the light of peace.

     I love those words. Guess that's why I went and quoted them.

     Eventually it became evident that the believers had misinterpreted the prophecy, in that Gadriel never showed up. Some of them accepted it in spite of the heavy discouragement, and eventually concluded that he was still guiding them and that the prophecy was indeed referring to that year, but that it meant he would begin building a city in the Kingdom of Light for us lumens - not come and take us to it yet. But quite a lot of people responded negatively to the turn of events.
     Those who truly believed were now in an extremely vulnerable state, as news spread of their disappointment and they were put to shame by people from every realm. Some believers proved to have never been sincere in the first place as they turned on their discouraged fellows. Some lost their faith and gave up altogether, while those who still believed Gadriel was guiding them determined to stay in the land they had been led to, and they began to build a life there.
     But former followers along with various people throughout the realms not only mocked them and tried to change their minds, but became very cruel when that didn't work. Eventually an alliance of this sort of people marched toward the wilderness to destroy it, and the few who sought refuge and peace there....

Chapter 4: A Simple Life

- Year 172 vc -

     Viggo's early years would prove every bit as fulfilling as Epifany imagined motherhood would be, and more. She was a simple woman, naturally finding her source of joy in the small things, the humble, everyday moments of life.

     In her teenage years she had treated ambition with caution, noting its power to allure the soul and rob life of its pure simplicity. Young people especially, including herself, she found to be drawn into a desire to do big things, often to the neglect of the humbler but more important matters of understanding themselves, brightening the lives of those closest to them, and making the most of the remains of their childhood before it would slip away forever.

     But this is not to say that she didn't have big dreams. At 16 she became determined to one day travel to another land to be of help to those in need there. Shortly after this, Hapak's family traveled through her area. He was 17 and shared the same goal. They became friends, fell in love, and made a home together when she was 20 and he was 21.

     Of course they had left their own country of Miras and had made a strange land their home. They were devoted to their gods and shared their beliefs with the natives when it seemed appropriate. Often Epifany would read bits and pieces of the Legends and Narsil aloud to baby Viggo, though he obviously wouldn't understand them for quite some time. But she wanted to raise him right and thought it was never too early to introduce him to their gods and the instructions for a holy life.

     Her days were filled with the humble duties of keeping a home and family. Hapak had woven a sturdy basket to serve as a portable cradle for daytime use, so Epifany could go about her chores while keeping an eye on the baby. Whether she was kneading bread dough, sweeping their small home, adding wood to the fireplace, or bent over a barrel washing their clothes or dishes, Viggo was within sight, much of that time listening to his mother singing to him. He rarely cried and it wasn't very hard for her to keep up with the normal chores on top of being a new mother, especially since she loved everything she was doing.
     It was not uncommon for the routine of everyday life on the Akylas family farm to be interrupted by visitors with illnesses or injuries needing attention. Epifany was familiar with the remedies of nature, from plants to water to clay, you name it. From the time she was a teenager she made special efforts to understand nature's art of healing, and over time and with experience she was becoming a resourceful and reliable healer. Her calm demeanor had a soothing effect on those she treated, and sometimes she sang to them Miran songs of Gadriel and his ways and peace. Hapak was a likable, outgoing fellow, usually jumping at the chance to talk to people, and often including in conversation plenty of quotes from and explanations of the Legends. Usually they didn't mind his enthusiasm, and at any rate they were grateful for the company as well as the treatment.
     The Akylases also made connections with people through their cashmere business. Hapak tended their cashmere goats and took the final products into nearby towns and villages to sell. Between the tending and the selling, the soft undercoat fibers had to be harvested by combing the goats every year, then it had to be cleaned, and finally spun into yarn and woven into fabric. It was a tedious process, but Epifany helped where she could, and the end result was a quality product. So they made enough money to pay for whatever necessities they couldn't produce on their own, and then some.
     Viggo became quite an interested observer of life from his basket. His mother often brought him outside to see his father and their large, gentle dog, and to watch them round up the goats. The dog, Carlyn, especially made him giggle. His dad wasn't so bad at that himself, but the giant fluffy dog never had to try to amuse Viggo to elicit squeals of delight from her miniature lumen. The laughter was contagious - when Viggo laughed, his parents laughed, and then when they laughed, he laughed some more.
     Since Viggo was so fond of the dog, Hapak's inner genius decided to come out to play, combing out and gathering the dog's extra fluff. Soon it was clean, dry, and spun into a soft yarn, which Epifany wove into a small, basic dog shape and stuffed with - well, fluff. Viggo probably didn't realize when he first met his cuddly new toy that it was supposed to represent a dog, but he loved it just the same and certainly caught on soon enough. "Dog" was one of his first words, and he ended up saying it on a regular basis in reference to the real dog as well as his favorite toy. "Da" and "Ma" came before that, as could be expected. But the first words Viggo spoke were not expected.

Chapter 5: A Candle Lit

- Year 167 vc -

Hello journal,
     The rest of the story... well it's sort of a mystery. The army, made up of world-class control freaks from all over Lumenagea, gathered in Arria and marched toward the as yet insignificant, unnamed creek that separated Arria from the wilderness of prophecy. That much is certain, and that a fire broke out in front of them before they could even reach the creek. Nobody knows exactly how it started. The army meant for there to be a fire, mind you, just not on their side of the creek. One flaming arrow, shot early out of eagerness and missing its mark, is all it would have taken for the tide to turn as it did so suddenly against them.
     The flames spread along the Arrian side of the creek, and the army put its energy into putting it out, to the abandonment of their original plans of war. By the time the fire died down and went out, they were exhausted, and burnt out (no pun intended) on trying to get rid of the believers. Fate, it seemed, was not in favor of destroying them, and nature did not allow it.
     That's why it's called Battle Creek to this day - not so much because of a regular physical battle fought between men, as it never even came to that - but because of the forces that collided and brought about victory for those seeking a new life. In truth, those who opposed their freedom established it by their own actions. Whenever people have tried to quench freewill, it has always tested character and planted deeper conviction and braver resistance and inspired others to take their stand. The believers stood in their new wilderness homeland, tested but not overcome, and found a fresh beginning instead of their end. As Gadriel said in the Legends, that you will find life if you are willing to risk it. And now they felt truly free to build their lives the way they believed in, in a land they could call their own.
     At first they considered themselves a movement rather than a kingdom. They looked forward to the time when Gadriel would come, whenever that might be. There wasn't much thought of establishing an official kingdom with a name and everything, considering they expected to be taken to the Kingdom of Light soon anyway. But eventually it did become official, though I'm unaware of the details on how it went. So the kingdom of Miras was born - a kingdom whose faithful subjects still await the time when Gadriel will come, when we will leave this dark world behind to walk in silver light, and who gather under every full moon to honor the light that shines upon us. The candle has been lit. Our duty is to share its illumination in every dark corner.

Chapter 6: A Restless Man

- Year 173 vc -

   It happened when little Viggo was six months old. It was February, and the day was cold and snowy as could be expected in the mountainous region of northern Kharma. Hapak layered up in his warmest clothes, which Epifany had made for him, and braced himself to face the deceptively sparkling day. He gave his loyal dog some food and started the march out to see how the goats and horse were handling the weather. He turned his face back toward the wind and called, "Come on, Carlyn," and quickly turned again, gasping for the breath the wind had stolen. "Alright," he said to himself, "it's one of those days. Hopefully the wind'll die down later." He was a bit of a restless man and didn't fancy staying home all day.
     He found the stream frozen over, but with some effort, he broke the ice on the surface, revealing the source of flowing hydration that he had always been able to rely on. Soon the goats caught on and quenched their morning thirst, some of them using their large, heavy hooves to broaden the opening. They didn't seem bothered by the cold, and Hapak was glad to be wearing the same woolly coat each of them wore. "Thanks guys," he said, rubbing one of them between the horns, "I really owe you one." He paused thoughtfully and said, "Of course, it's because of you I'm out here in this weather anyway." The one he was petting groaned, seeming to nod in agreement. But really he just enjoyed being scratched between the horns.
     Meanwhile, Epifany was very busy on bread duty. Viggo was fussy, which confused his mother. She had made sure his needs were taken care of before she started on the bread, so she didn't know what was the matter. She tried talking to him, singing, making faces, all the things he loved that could be done without neglecting the bread. But it wasn't cutting it for him. "Gods, what is his problem?" she whispered beseechingly. Her mind wandered as she kneaded the dough.
     Hapak had been spending more and more time away from home. He would grab his Legends and hop on his horse to visit various neighbors - anyone who was willing to let him read to them and guide their understanding. Epifany loved his enthusiasm and charismatic personality. She loved how he loved his Legends, and she loved them too. But a spiritual weariness had been gradually gnawing at her of late, and Viggo's unusual crying was putting her over the edge. All she wanted was to see Hapak come in and scoop up his son. That and to spend the rest of the day together enjoying the simple sweetness of each other's company.
     When she was done with the bread, she went to Viggo's basket and picked him up. By now she had begun to worry that there could be something seriously wrong with him, so she checked him over but found no signs of illness or injury. Yet he continued whimpering, along with crying off and on. She gave him his little toy dog, but he wasn't interested. He was crying hard when Hapak came into the house, but as soon as he saw his father, he stopped. "Hey little guy!" he said, waving as he obliviously walked past to change his clothes, Viggo's eyes following him. Epifany sat there with her jaw dropped, waiting to see if Viggo was really done fussing. Was that all? He just wanted to see his dad?
     When he returned to the room and picked up his Legends before sitting down next to Epifany, she had to wonder. "Honey," she asked, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice and sound merely curious, "are you going anywhere today?"
     "Yes," he answered matter-of-factly, absently flipping through the pages in his hands, and then, with more enthusiasm, "The Hadassahs are interested in learning the Legends. Isn't that great? That's the third family in a few months. Our mission here in Kharma is really picking up speed now." He smiled, and she smiled back at him faintly. "Well don't be too excited," he teased. Then he asked, "Is something wrong?"
     It seemed to Epifany that it should be a simple question to answer. Why then did it feel so confusing? She had been wondering if there was something wrong with their baby until it seemed pretty clear for a moment that all he needed was more of his dad - a desire she and Viggo had in common. But now, with Hapak so excited about leading their Kharman neighbors to Gadriel, she felt guilty for wanting to keep her man at home. "No, not really," she answered softly, "I'm just being a fool. I've been wishing you could stay home more with me and Viggo, but what you're doing is noble and important and I'm being selfish. I don't know. He's just been crying so much today, I guess it was the last straw and it messed with my head."
     "Well he's not crying now," Hapak smiled.
     "No, he's not," Epifany said, "and he just stopped as soon as you came in. I don't know what his deal is."
     Hapak laughed, "Well obviously he likes me better. Isn't that right, little mister?" Viggo giggled as he tickled him. "But seriously," he spoke again, "you and Viggo are my pride and joy. I'm honored to be the head of this family and nothing is more important to me than you. I love you both and that can never change. Don't worry, Pif - I'm not too busy for you, even if I am busier."
     "No, I know," Epifany said, "it's just me. Life can't be perfect until the Kingdom of Light and you're doing what you need to do. I should be more grateful."
     And that's when Viggo's gurgling and cooing formed clear sounds out of nowhere: "A lie." It was faint and carried the tone of a question, but both of his parents heard it and looked at him in surprise. Then, a little louder: "Aw lies...."
     After a pause, Epifany asked, "Is that his first word then, already? Or words - whatever." A lie, all lies? she thought to herself. Maybe that doesn't count.
     "Yes it is!" Hapak said joyfully as he scooped up his son, who jolted in surprise and looked with wide, startled eyes at his mother. "He said 'leeligh!'" Hapak continued, holding him up in front of him and kissing his forehead. "He's a perfect little Miran already!" And he could hardly wait to tell the Hadassahs how advanced his kid was.

Chapter 7: Light of the Eye

- Year 167 vc -

Hello journal,
     It's been a couple years now since I went to a leeligh. Most Mirans go for every full moon - which is like once a month. But we're not exactly like most Mirans.... I mean first of all, living where we do on the other side of Battle Creek so we're not even in Miras technically. There isn't an ophrysial close enough for us to get to that's worth going to. I think most people don't really think about it and they just go to leeligh for social reasons, and I don't see the point in joining them. If I go to leeligh, I want it to be something that brings me closer to the gods, not just a way to get friends or a man.
     A real leeligh is a completely beautiful experience though, the way it's meant to be. You can celebrate the full moon without really having a leeligh if you have to (take it from someone who knows), but it hardly compares. We celebrate on our own every full moon at this point, and our backyard works fine - although when it's cold or raining we have to settle for a spot by whichever window is the best view of the moon. But there's so much depth of meaning behind traditional Miran leelighs and the ophrysials that hold them.
     "Leeligh" means "light of the eye," which of course is why ophrysials are built to resemble an eye. Anyone who's seen one could notice that, but might not if they don't know already. It's built to look that way from above, for the heavens to see - a glass dome, and inside, the floor is made to look like the beautiful colored iris with the black of the pupil in the center. There are two doors, one in the front and one in the back, each with a sort of patio made of marble usually, definitely something white, as it represents the white of an eye. And as the color of the iris varies from one person to another, the color of the floor varies from one ophrysial to another.
     A leeligh is a symbol of the relationship between us and the gods - a special time when we see them and they see us. And though Nalick is more glorious than we can look at, her sunlight is reflected in the gentle glow of the moon. Gadriel unites us all in the light, and we lumens are their children, represented by the innumerable stars in the universe. And only in the dark can we get a glimpse of that universe, just as we may find the bigger picture revealed to us in dark times.

We gaze into the night sky,

Allowing it to lift us high,

In spirit, dwelling far away

From that which blinds us day by day.

     At some point during each leeligh, torches are lit while Mirans sing and dance in a circle. Thus the ophrysial is lit up in the surrounding darkness of the night. This is when we freely open ourselves to the view of our gods, as they do for us. This is when they see us, though they always see us. But it's more than just "seeing." "Leeligh" does not mean just "the eye." It's "light of the eye." How can I explain it.... It's like when you get an idea, or understanding dawns on you, and your eyes light up. Or when you see someone you love, or even think of them, and your eyes light up.... I think I understand why it's called that, better than ever. It means understanding and love, and happiness. Even if it's only a glimpse of it.

Chapter 8: Stars in Their Places

- Year 175 vc -

     The smile on Viggo's face put a thrill of joy in his mother's heart as they danced in a circle in the sky room. Hapak and Epifany had built their own house when they settled in Kharma, and as most any Miran who built their own house, they had built a special room on top for sky viewing. It was hardly comparable to an ophrysial, mainly because it was much smaller and not at all round, but square. But there were at least windows facing each direction and a skylight in each section of the pyramid-like roof, providing an adequate view of the sky. So every full moon found the young family in this "sky room," along with others who decided to join them.
     The group had gradually grown by this time, and now the room was usually somewhat crowded for leeligh at the Akylases'. It was an occasion various families and individuals in the area had come to look forward to. It was really nice, feeling so connected to the people around her - loved, respected, trusted, even admired. Life was comfortable and happy. Yet she couldn't help but fondly remember the times when Viggo was a baby and no one ever joined for leeligh, when she and Hapak were all the circle consisted of, dancing around with no rhyme or reason and a wide-eyed baby held between them or sleeping peacefully in his basket nearby.
     Now he had just turned three years old and was dancing along on his own two feet, always eager to participate. In the circle, everyone's hands were joined with their neighbors' (and not the same people all the time), sharing in a representation of oneness, unity and connection. Of course Viggo was quite little, and his mother always made sure he held hands with at least one of his parents. This warm night in mid August she was on one side of him and on his other side was his friend Rune Hadassah, a 12-year-old girl who had taken a special interest in him since he was a baby.
     Hapak was on the other side of the circle, sharing excited glances with his family across from him. He was thrilled with the growth of their little group and at the moment Epifany could hardly tell the difference between him and his giggling three-year-old boy. She smiled broadly as she welled up with happiness. Even if no one had joined them, she was sure her small family would always have been more than enough to keep her satisfied. And even more so as she looked down and saw the reminder that her small family was getting a little bit bigger now. She'd been pregnant for over five months with less than four more to go, and it wasn't hard to notice anymore by the looks of her.
     When all their friends had gone and Viggo was asleep, Hapak and Epifany fell into bed on their backs, tired from all the dancing around and singing. But Hapak was still restless with excitement and Epifany's eyes were still lit up with joy as if she carried a delightful secret as they shared a moment of silence. But it was no secret. "So what'd the little guy think of leeligh?" Hapak asked with a mischievous grin as he turned toward her, propping up his head with his elbow and reaching over to pat her stomach.
     "Viggo always loves leeligh, silly. Why ever do you ask?" She replied, keeping her gaze at the ceiling and failing to suppress her answering smirk.
     "I was talking about this one," he said, poking her round belly before resting his hand on it.
     "Oh, our daughter? But I thought for sure you said 'little guy.' I think this pregnancy is taking a toll on my hearing," she said, raising an eyebrow.
     "What makes you so sure? How do you know it's a girl?" he asked in exasperation.
     "I just do," she replied, "just like Viggo. I knew he would be a boy, because I just felt he was meant to be a boy. And now it's time to have our girl."
     "Well," he answered, removing his hand, "you know I don't care whether it's a girl or a boy. I'm just trying to prepare you in case this one's another boy and you don't have your lucky guess this time. You have to keep your mind open. It's not like you know everything."
     Epifany smiled, but felt confused by his words and tone and by the fact that she felt hurt by them.
     "I mean you could be wrong," he went on, "and what then? If you only think about having a girl, what are you going to do if we end up with another boy? You can't only prepare for what you expect."
     She felt even more confused. "Well," she stammered, "I mean I don't think it would be a problem, because if we do have another boy while I'm expecting a girl, I'm just going to be surprised. Why exactly do I need to prepare for that?"
     "Because Epifany," he answered, "I'm just saying you have to leave it up to the gods. It's their choice and we lumens have to trust them to place the stars in the sky, to put them where they're meant to be, instead of where we want them. It's not our place to tell them what to do."
     "Well no," she replied softly, "of course not."
     To "place the stars in the sky" was a common phrase among Mirans, used to depict their gods as the rulers of destiny, especially as the stars represented lumens, children of the gods. So Epifany was well aware of what Hapak was talking about, but she wasn't sure how it applied in this context. She felt that she was willing to let the gods' plans unfold instead of trying to control them, but that it didn't mean she couldn't understand their plans sometimes.
     Before she could think of anything to say to break the awkward silence that grew, she felt a solid thump on the inside of her belly. It was the first really significant movement she'd felt from the baby so far, and she wished Hapak had felt it too. His hand had just been resting there moments before, when the conversation had been playful and affectionate, before the confusing coldness had settled in out of nowhere. If that hadn't happened, she figured, he probably would have felt it. And then, she imagined, he probably would have claimed that it was the baby's way of agreeing with him, and she would have replied that the baby was punching him for calling her a boy. Neither would have necessarily believed what they were saying, of course. And they wouldn't really be arguing. Rather, they would probably just go on to snuggle cozily until they fell asleep.
     It only took a few seconds for the whole scenario to go through Epifany's mind, and she wondered why it didn't go that way, why there was a sudden gap between them instead. It didn't seem like her man would share in her excitement over the movement of their child right then, and with that thought, her own excitement withered. "I'm ready to sleep now," she said, forcing a yawn to distract from her sadness, "love you."
     "Love you," Hapak answered, reaching for his Legends as she laid on her side, facing away from him. They spoke those words to each other at least every night, but tonight it felt like a formality. She looked out the window at the moon, sending her thoughts to Gadriel and hoping for answers until her eyes closed and she fell asleep.
     When she awoke the next morning, the sunny day greeted her through the window. She rolled over to see her man, but found the bed empty next to her. She wasn't too shocked though, as she knew he was planning to teach the Legends to one of their friends today, and he had chores to do before he could leave. It wasn't surprising that he would decide to get an early start. She wasn't sure how to feel about the idea that he would be gone most of the day. Sometimes these moods came over him like last night, where he just seemed cold, and it seemed best to wait it out until he became more loving again. Today she felt it might be for the best to have the time apart. She didn't understand the cycle, but she had developed a habit of how to handle it at least.
     So she made the bed and set out to begin her own chores, and eventually Viggo woke up and followed her about as usual. She was washing a few of their clothes outside by the clothesline, and he was handing her pins as they were needed, when something caught his eye. "Mama," he said thoughtfully, "what's that black thing on your neck?"
     "You mean this?" his mother asked, touching her wet finger to the small tattoo of a snake below her right ear. He nodded. "It's my new life mark," she answered, "I got it when I was 15. It means I decided I want to live a holy life instead of a selfish life. There's a song from the Legends about it. Do you want to hear it?"
     "Uh huh!" Viggo said enthusiastically, nodding his head up and down so low his chin almost touched his chest, the way only a young child would nod.
     She smiled. "Okay, here it goes:

Your true colors lie inside your heart -

Not what you say, but who you are.

And it matters not how you may seem,

But how you live, and what you dream.

Forsake the surface and look within.

As every snake must shed its skin,

New life and purpose you will find,

When willing to leave the old behind."

     "I heard that song before!" Viggo exclaimed, "At leeligh!"
     "Yep," his mother answered, "it's one of our favorite songs to sing at leeligh. We want to remember to live the right way. That's why we sing the song, and that's why we have these--" she pointed to her mark again-- "to remind us what we decided."
     "You singed it before," he remembered, "not at leeligh too. And Dad too. And he has a mark too, but it's right here," he said, touching the underside of his arm, just below his wrist.
     Epifany nodded, reaching with an open hand to receive another pin. Viggo studied his wrist for a few seconds, then looking up and noticing his mother's waiting hand, scrambled to pick up the pin and give it to her. "But Mama," he went on thoughtfully, "how come your mark is there--" he pointed to her neck-- "and Dad's mark is hee-er?" he held up his wrist to her, looking puzzled.
     She smiled at his childishness. "Easy," she said, "it's because women get them here and men get them there." She started wringing out one of her tunics.
     "Why?" Viggo asked plainly, still unsatisfied.
     Epifany stopped wringing the tunic and held it in front of her, confounded. "Umm," she stammered, "I don't really know," she admitted in confusion.
     Suddenly she heard Carlyn barking furiously and then a horrible wail that sounded like Hapak. She looked out into the field and saw him stagger and fall to the grass. "Viggo, go inside!" she ordered, dropping her clean tunic on the ground and running toward the field.

Chapter 9: Bitter Bite of Fate

     Adrenaline rushed through Epifany's veins as she raced over the grass toward Hapak and Carlyn, frantically wondering what was happening. They were near a great old tree that had fallen over during a recent storm. Hapak had talked about chopping it up and setting it aside for firewood. She had almost reached him when she saw the snake, and it did not look friendly. "Gods!" she exclaimed. Carlyn continued to bark and growl at the unwelcome trespasser.
     In a moment, Epifany took in the scene - the sharp fangs, Hapak holding onto his lower leg, and the heavy ax lying on the ground next to him. She could see that he would not be simply getting up, and she feared he would be bitten again, or the dog, or herself. She quickly stumbled over and grabbed the long-handled ax, looking for her chance to strike and praying the snake wouldn't. "Gah!" Hapak exclaimed in pain, "Pif, be careful!" His tone was hushed, in hopes of not further provoking the angry snake. It hissed and glared with its beady eyes at him, then at her. Not my man, she thought, raising the ax, and not my baby!
     Carlyn ran around to the other side of the snake, still barking, and it turned toward her instead. She was dangerously close when it lunged for her throat. Epifany swung the ax, hoping her aim would not fail, and clumsily struck the snake several inches below its head. She'd hit it, but it took a few more swings to sever it from the rest of its body. "And not my dog," she breathed, pushing the head away with the ax, watching in horror as it continued biting for what felt like a very long time.
     When she turned back to Hapak, he was beginning to sweat. He looked at her, but didn't say anything, and rather seemed to be focused on breathing. "We need to get you back to the house," she said.
     "I know," he answered, wincing, "and nice work there," he added with a strained laugh, nodding toward the snake's roughly severed head.
     Epifany nodded and was glad to see him laugh even a little, but she was too preoccupied with the seriousness of the situation to laugh herself. He'd been bitten by a Kharman brush serpent. The deadly species wasn't anything anyone expected to see in this part of Kharma, but she'd heard of it and knew she needed to work fast. "If I help you, do you think you can get on the horse?" she asked him.
     "I think so," he groaned.
     So she called the horse, and he came galloping up from the creek down the hill from them, while she took a look at Hapak's leg. It was already swollen and red, and to her dismay, she discovered six puncture wounds. He had been bitten three times. With difficulty, he stood up, leaning on Epifany and trying not to move his injured leg. After the harder task of getting him up on the horse, Epifany led him slowly to the house while even that gentle movement was more than Hapak could take without yelling in pain.
     Viggo, who had obediently stationed himself in the doorway watching, was startled to see his dad hopping into the house leaning on his mother, obviously hurt. "What happened?" he asked, very troubled as he followed them into the kitchen, where they stopped.
     "Your dad is very sick," Epifany answered, helping Hapak to a chair, "but you can help. Remember that jar of black stuff we use when people are sick?" she asked, getting soap and water.
     "Yeah," Viggo answered, somewhat calmed.
     "Go get that for me," she said, and as he turned to do so, she removed Hapak's bloody pant leg, placed a tub under his foot, and began to clean the wound. As planned, it didn't look quite as bad when Viggo returned with the charcoal. She quickly made a poultice with almost the entire contents of the jar and applied it to the wound to draw out the poison. Then she sprinkled the rest in water and gave it to Hapak to drink. "I'll make you some strong tea to help with the pain," she said, "but first let's get you to bed."
     "No!" he answered, gritting his teeth in agony, "I need the tea now!"
     "Alright, I'll do it now," she answered, preparing to boil the water.
     "Can't you go any faster?" he snapped.
     "It won't be long," she answered, biting her lip as the fear began to overwhelm her. She blinked, fighting off the threat of tears, unwilling to have Viggo see how afraid she really was (or Hapak for that matter). Suddenly she felt very alone, with a dependent child and a sick man in the room with her. A dying man, the thought haunted her. No! she stopped herself, pushing back the fears that presented themselves to her mind, determined not to start the process of anticipating life for herself and her children without their father. He may yet live. I can save him. Gods, help me save him!

Chapter 10: The Bitter and Sweet of It

     For the next two weeks Epifany continued to battle the same fears, as Hapak wavered between life and death. He spent most of the time asleep, and developed a severe fever. It was difficult to get him to eat, and he grew pale and bony. When he did wake up, his moods would vary from grumpy to kind to despairing, and sometimes he experienced hallucinations.
     Rune's mother, Haza, had sent her to stay with the Akylases as soon as she had learned what had happened, and it was a good thing. Rune was old enough to do most things Epifany had to do, and capable of taking instructions when it came to things she wasn't familiar with. Having her around lightened the load quite a bit for Epifany, whether it was regular household chores, taking care of Viggo, or treating Hapak. Rune's parents and other neighbors came to check on the family regularly, including some who had not shown interest in Miranism, bringing food or other things and asking if they could help. It amazed Epifany the way everyone came together to support them. Sometimes she wondered if her man dying was part of the gods' plan to reach some of these Kharmans. She hoped not, hoped that he could live. But that hope was wearing away like sand in an hourglass as more and more time went by and she watched him wither into a pale representation of the man she knew and loved.
     When people came to visit, she sometimes found herself more wearied than refreshed. The looks in their eyes and the sympathetic tones of their voices gave away the fact that they saw her as a widow and her children as fatherless already. She would thank them for anything they brought and just for visiting and would talk with them if they didn't leave right away. But she wished she could just curl up in a ball and hide - hide from them and their burning gaze that saw what she was afraid to face, that she was destitute and had lost a precious part of herself as unexpectedly as she had gained him eight years before.
     After two weeks of this slow torture, it was all she could take. Hapak was asleep as usual, and she had sent a tired Rune and little Viggo to bed. She was exhausted herself, but more tea needed to be made for Hapak to have whenever he woke up. If he wakes up, she thought. She went up into the sky room, where some of her herbs were kept in pots, and began picking what she needed. One plant in particular was very rare for their area, as they lived in the colder northern part of Kharma. Hapak had gotten it seven years ago on a trip to Kharma when they both still lived at home with their families. Its beautiful fiery orange flowers had caught his eye in the marketplace of a southern village. He had asked the seller about it, who told him of its powerful healing capabilities, including detoxification and pain relief among other uses, and he knew Epifany would love it. The seller wouldn't take money for it though, saying it was worth more than Hapak had. But he took a liking to Hapak's tunic, of unique Miran design, and accepted it as a fair trade. So Hapak literally gave the shirt off his back for a special gift to bring back to Epifany.
     She was 17 then and had known him for almost a year. He was new and exciting and all she thought of, and they spent a lot of time together. Neither of them had spoken directly about it yet, but she knew in her heart that he was her one and only love and that that would never change. When he returned without his favorite tunic and went to see her with a mysterious "bitter fire plant," she sensed that something big was about to change - and not so much a change, but more of a surfacing of something that had been growing for some time.
     "'So you want this, the tunic I'm wearing right now. And that'll buy me the plant?'" he had quoted himself as he told her the story. "And he really meant it!" he laughed, tugging on the front of his less favored tunic. She grinned, butterflies rising in her stomach as he leaned back, hands in the grass behind him. They were enjoying the warm day in early spring, sitting in the grass and catching up. "But I think I got a good deal," he continued, "this thing will come in handy."
     "Definitely!" she answered, "It's really going to expand my healing abilities. I don't know how to thank you."
     He smiled slyly at that but looked off into the distance, and there grew a silence that gave her time to notice her moist palms as his face evolved into seriousness. "Pif?" he asked, still watching the horizon.
     "Yeah?" she answered.
     "You know, I visited Kharma because I've been feeling restless for a while now," he folded his legs into each other and sat up, picking at the grass as he went on slowly, "like I'm not accomplishing much here. And especially after staying there for a month, I feel like I could do a lot more good there than here. I mean, I'm not doing as much good here as I could do there," he said, awkwardly repeating himself.
     Epifany noticed that he too looked nervous. Or maybe he's not nervous, she thought, or maybe he can tell I'm nervous and that's made him nervous.
     Before she could figure it out, he picked up the pot and said, "So this plant - it smells like honey, it's beautiful, it's got healing powers--" he looked at her, then back at the plant and mumbled, "Guess it's a lot like you." He snickered and blushed and she blushed too. "Not that I know what you smell like," he rambled, "I mean, for all I know you do smell like honey. But I guess I was referring to you being sweet is all."
     She looked at him, a new kind of awkwardness overwhelming her with combined pleasure and terror. He had never spoken such compliments in all the time they'd known each other - particularly the word "beautiful" and comparing her to flowers. She forgot to say "thank you."
     "Anyway," he went on, "it's bitter though. So that's different."
     "Well that's good to know," she laughed, wiping her palms on her trousers.
     He laughed too, setting it aside again, then said, "After a while of being there, there was something bitter about it. I missed my family, my friends, my - well, you mostly. I missed you a lot." He went back to picking grass. "So I was thinking, if the gods want me there - and not just to visit, but to stay - it won't be easy, there'll be some bitterness, but it'll be worth it."
     To stay? Her heart sank as she imagined life without him. She had missed him everyday for the past couple months. While he had spent a month at his destination, it had taken another month's worth of total travel time just to get there and back again. She had been wondering if he would choose to live in Kharma, and although she had never really considered living there, she had determined that she would willingly do so if that was his decision. But her fear was that he would go off without taking her with him, that he didn't need her the way she needed him, and that he would forget her, and he - along with the happiest year of her life - would fade into memory. And sure enough, here he was talking about living in Kharma.
     "I know you've never said anything about living there," his shaky voice brought her back to the present situation, "and I know it'll mean building a whole new life away from everyone familiar--" he took a deep breath-- "but if you would go with me, it would be a lot easier, and I would still feel like I'm at home."
     She lost what little composure she had managed to maintain and burst into tears, throwing her arms around him and, resting her head on his shoulder, said shakily, "I would go anywhere with you."

Chapter 11: The Breaking Point

     Tears came to her eyes as the sweet memory flooded her mind while she plucked leaves from the bitter fire plant. It had flourished and grown to the point where she repeatedly had to transplant its offspring into extra pots over the years since that day. It had taken three years of preparation, acquiring the money and supplies and building their house, before they had left the homes of their childhood for good and made a new home with each other. And though it had been hard to leave everything and everyone she knew, though there had been some bitterness, she had never regretted it. To her, like the healing leaves in her hands, it was worth it.
     She broke down and began weeping bitterly, her knees folded under her body and her face in her arms on the floor. She crawled to the nearest window and pulled herself up onto her knees, searching the night sky with blurry eyes flowing with tears like a raging river whose dam had fallen apart. She saw plenty of blurred stars, but the moon was nowhere to be seen. Then she remembered that it was the time of the new moon and therefore the moon was invisible. But that explanation did not console her at this time when she felt alone and forsaken by the gods who remained out of sight when she needed them most.
     "Why is this happening?" she sobbed in whispered tones, "Why are you taking him away? I tried, Gadriel - I tried to be worthy of your gift, to be everything a good man deserves. I gave him myself and all the love I had, but it wasn't enough. It's enough to break my heart, but not enough to save him - just not enough," she whimpered, clutching at her chest, where the weight was so heavy it physically hurt.
     "You gave him to me to love and nurture, and I can't even keep him alive! And now it's like my heart's dying with him. But I can't break because I have to raise these children, and I'll have to do it alone. I might not've brought them into the world if I'd known they would have to suffer this. I love them so much - even this one already," she sniffled, stroking her belly. "I know I'll have to be strong. They're helpless and they need that from me. But I feel like a helpless child myself and I don't know what to do! I don't want to live without my man, and I don't want my little ones to live without him either," she cried, "I just wanted them to have the father I didn't!" She buried her face in her arms and convulsed with sobs.
     After a while she caught her breath. "I know you know what's best," she prayed, barely lifting her head again, "I know I can't place the stars in the sky and only you know where they belong. So I don't know if it makes any difference what I want. But if it does," she breathed, "I just want him to live." For a moment the burden on her chest was lifted and she felt that this hope was possible. For a few seconds she imagined he could live and she felt secure. But then the overwhelming reality of his dire condition came crashing down on her again, crushing what little hope she had left. It was like all the life was sucked out of her, and she had no more tears to cry.
     That's when she heard the small footsteps in the silence, slowly coming up the stairs into the sky room. "But your will be done," she whispered, wiping her eyes with her sleeves and clearing her throat. It was time to recompose herself, be strong again for Viggo.
     "Mama?" It was a whimper and it broke her heart.
     "What is it, Viggo?" she asked.
     "I'm tired," he whined.
     You and me both, she thought. "Well let's get you back to bed then, alright? I'll come with you."
     "But I can't sleep," he said shakily.
     "You can go to bed with me," she answered, "but I have to make this tea first. So you can get in bed before me with just Dad and I'll come soon."
     "Okay," he said weakly, letting her take his hand with her free hand while she held leaves in the other and began to escort him out of the sky room. "Is Dad better?" he asked.
     She wondered what the gods expected her to tell her son, when she had no reason to hope his father would live. The boy was so sad already. She didn't want to lie to him or crush him with the truth, and it seemed those were the only options. But then she thought that maybe she could redirect his mind. "I think he would like it if you stay with him tonight," she said, reaching their bedroom, "And if you still can't sleep, you can sing for him. I think he would like that."
     He let go of her hand and climbed onto the middle of the bed, snuggling into his dad. Epifany smiled and turned around to leave the room, letting the tear slip past her eye only after she was out of sight. Please don't tear apart this family, she thought, please let us stay together. She made her way to the kitchen and started boiling the water for Hapak's tea, then sat on the floor while she waited. Soon she heard Hapak coughing. Sounds like he's awake, she thought. Maybe he'll be ready to drink this when it's done.
     "How do you feel, Daddy?" said a sweet little voice from the bedroom. It was the same question she had asked people on a number of occasions when treating them. Apparently the little man had picked up her line.
     "I feel tired," Hapak answered. It was the voice she'd been longing to hear, only it was hoarse and weak. Dying.
     "It's okay," Viggo consoled him, "I'll sing a song, to help you sleep."
     And soon he went on to sing:

"Little light in the night,

Show our world the way home,

Show us that it can be done -

Live the way of life."

     It was the song his parents had sung to him as a lullaby since he was a baby. It was a mysterious passage from the Legends, and one of Epifany's favorites. It had been sung at leeligh before too, but she'd never heard him sing it all by himself. Peace enveloped her like soft moonlight, though there was no moon to glow and it seemed there could be no peace. But there was a little in her heart, as he continued:

"Like a spark in the dark,

Set aflame our lamps that died,

Keep our dying ones alive,

Melt our frozen hearts."

     Tears slowly dripped down Epifany's cheeks as she sat leaning her back against the cupboard. There was a pause, then she faintly heard Viggo's whisper: "I forgetted the words."
     Hapak whispered even more faintly, "Until we all shall do our part - remember?"
     Epifany smiled, but didn't hear so much as a giggle from Viggo. No, this was serious. She stood up and crept to the bedroom doorway as he continued singing his dad to sleep - or thinking that was what he was doing anyway.

"Until we all shall do our part,

And our whole family shall rise -

Above the hatred, above the lies,

To overcome all darkness -

Be our witness."

     "Thanks little guy," Hapak whispered, "I think we can both sleep now. Here," he moved his arm to let Viggo in closer, then wrapped him in it.

     Epifany crept back to the kitchen with a bittersweet ache in her heart. She had done and was doing everything she could to keep Hapak alive, but ultimately it was not in her control. And for the first time since the fateful snake bite two weeks earlier, she felt resigned to the fact. Now she felt the best thing to do was to make the most of the time they all had left together.

     After a while the tea was done and she took it to the bedroom, where father and son both seemed to be asleep. She set the tea down next to his side of the bed, and was turning to go around to her side when the hoarse voice stopped her. "Pif?"

     "Yes dear?" she answered softly, so as not to wake Viggo.

     "You're really amazing, you know that?" he coughed.

     She knelt by the bed and felt his forehead with her hand. "You're burning up," she said, picking up a cloth and dipping it in a small bucket of water that had been cool when it was first drawn from the well. Now it was warmish, but not nearly as hot as him. So she squeezed out the excess water and laid the cloth on his forehead. "You need your tea now. I'm sure you're dehydrated."

     "No, but really, you are amazing," he went on, "I'll take my tea, but not until I've said my piece."

     "Well say on then," she answered, taking his hand and kissing it, "I'm listening."

     He yawned, then coughed for a while, and spoke weakly, "I know I haven't been easy on you all the time, and I'm sorry for some things I've said. I've been in a lot of pain, and I didn't mean to hurt you." He coughed again.

     "No, honey, don't worry about it," she said, still holding his hand in hers, and wiping his forehead with the other. "I know what pain can do to a person."

     "But that's the thing," he continued, clearing his throat, "No matter what you're dealing with, you don't lash out. And you don't complain. It's not just now. I mean all along. You came with me all the way here without question and without looking back, and not only have you put up with me, but you've really loved me. You've always been better than I deserve, Pif." He looked up at the ceiling and said, "I don't know why I was such a lucky fish." And with that, he chuckled to himself and seemed to drift away into his own world.
     He's delirious again, isn't he? she thought to herself. He grinned and looked at her again. She smiled at him.
     "You have the most beautiful smile, Pif," he returned to his piece, "I love you so much. And you probably think I've lost my mind. But it's all true. There never could've been anyone for me but you. I am the luckiest guy, even if I have to go through all this to make it fair that you're mine. And I got the most wonderful mother for my son here, and my little girl."
     Epifany didn't know how to respond to this "piece" of his, so she just stayed where she was, listening.
     "Maybe we should call her Grace," he continued, "The gods have been so gracious to me."
     It settled upon her now that this was the last opportunity for him to have a say in choosing their child's name. "I know I always said we were having a girl," she said, "but do you have a boy name in mind just in case?"
     "That won't be necessary," he answered, "You're usually right. She's a little girl."
     Usually right? It felt good to hear him say that, but she wasn't sure how true it was. And indeed she still felt in her heart that she was carrying their daughter. I just wish she could know her father, she thought to herself, her eyes falling with sadness.
     With effort, he turned his face to her again in the silence and noticed her downcast expression in the dim light from the lamp. "Hey," he said softly, "look at me."
     With tears beginning to trickle down her face, she lifted her eyes again to meet his, wondering if it was the last time she would look into those wild eyes.
     "I know," he whispered, squeezing her hand weakly, "I know." He paused a moment before going on, "The serpent that bit me doesn't leave survivors. Nobody lives this long after meeting its fangs. You've kept me above the waves for this long, but my time has almost come, and I will go under." The pair always did enjoy using eloquent language, though secretly, for Epifany, it was sometimes solely for the purpose of making fun of Hapak's formal way of speaking. From time to time she found his fancy talk annoying, particularly when he was confusing her instead of getting to the point. But overall, it was at worst amusing to her, a trademark of their quirky relationship and a unique piece of the puzzle that was the man she loved. She gripped his hand and struggled to stay awake.
     "Don't worry about me anymore," he went on, "I will only sleep the sleep of death, until Gadriel wakes me to reunite us in silver light. My path is easy now; it is you who must go on, and it pains my heart to think of you sorrowing for me."
     Groggily he continued, "Without thought for yourself you came here, and you have given over four years of your life to serve the people of this land. But I never asked you to come alone, nor do I believe the gods did. So when I am gone, I don't want you running yourself ragged here. It would be a hard life on your own." He yawned, his heavy eyes refusing to stay open for more than a few seconds at a time. "I want you to go home where you will have family to love and support you and our children."
     With that said, he became so still that Epifany checked his pulse before feeling sure he was alive. Then she weakly made her way to the other side of the bed and crawled in, scooting next to Viggo and reaching over him to touch her hand to Hapak's chest. And there it rested, feeling every beat of his heart as she fell fast asleep.
     When she awoke, the sun had climbed to the middle of the sky already. Hapak was still very hot and along with Viggo, very much asleep. Epifany felt dazed herself, still tired despite having slept past noon, but she rose to meet the routine of the past couple weeks. Rune could be heard in the kitchen doing some of the usual morning chores. Epifany picked up the bucket of warm water from beside the bed and went to retrieve fresh, cold water from the well.
     Soon Viggo raced outside, looking confused and saying, "Dad wants you to come. He said hurry."
     She left the bucket and ran to the house as fast as she could, not wanting to miss any of her final moments with him. To her surprise, she found he had propped himself up slightly. "There you are!" his voice was still hoarse and she had time to feel his forehead while he coughed before continuing, "I'm starving! Is breakfast ready yet?"
     "Your fever's broken!" she exclaimed in confusion.
     "That's nice," he said, "when are you gonna break my fast? I've hardly eaten all month!"
     She burst into joyous laughter, planting a kiss on his forehead and running to get Viggo and Rune - and, of course, breakfast.

Chapter 12: The Sort of Picnic Life Is

     It was a perfect day in early September. About a week had passed since Hapak's fever had broken, and he was now almost completely back to his normal health. He was still a little thinner than before the ordeal, partly because he had eaten so little for the most part of about two weeks, but mainly because his muscles had nearly vanished while he had been stuck in bed getting no exercise.
     Getting him to eat after his fever broke was no problem at all. If anything, Epifany feared he would shock his system with such a drastic change, and she insisted he not eat quite so much so suddenly. The table became the sight of several small arguments, most of which - but not all of which - Epifany won. As a teenager, before knowing Hapak existed, she had determined that she would never have an argument with her man, whoever he would be. But after he came into the picture, somehow the clear line between discussing and arguing became a blur. As their years spent together went by, she had no idea whether she had kept her pledge or failed. And she wasn't about to try to sort it out now. She was just glad he hadn't thrown up his feast more than once. If she was indeed "usually right," she thought, he had figured out this was one of those times.
     As for rebuilding his muscles, the process was gradual, but Hapak was determined. To start with, he went for walks with Epifany and Viggo - first a short walk, then gradually longer ones as his strength returned and he was able to exert himself more normally. After each walk, Viggo would have him lay down while asking him questions about his body parts. "How does your legs feel? How does your head feel? How does your stomach feel? How does your arms feel?" and so on. Epifany took the opportunity to give Viggo more advanced lessons in anatomy, explaining that there were body parts inside the body parts he had committed to memory. He was mesmerized as she described such things as the throat and the lungs and their functions.
     But today Hapak's body was almost caught up to his ambition. And his ambition was growing.
     Everyone was so happy he had survived that a picnic had been planned, and today was the day. Everyone who came for leeligh would be there, along with many others, gathering at the Akylases' farm to share food, fun, and fellowship. The Hadassahs arrived early, ever a helpful bunch. Epifany was in a funny middle position, being twelve years older than Rune and twelve years younger than Haza. The families had grown very close in the past few years. Haza had attended Viggo's birth, when his young parents - far from home and family - needed the assurance the older couple's experience provided. Rune was Thaniel and Haza's firstborn. Their second child, Ajnin, was born a year before Viggo, when Rune had been an only child for eight years.
     Hapak greeted them at the door and was assaulted by Haza with a hug. "Hello, hello!" she squealed, squeezing him tightly, "It's so good to see you on your feet!"
     "Yes, so I heard from yesterday's you," he said as she let go and stepped back.
     "Well neither of them's wrong," Thaniel grinned as he drew him into a hug. "What would we do without you?" he laughed, releasing Hapak and slapping him on the back.
     "Thaniel, don't kill the man!" Haza exclaimed, "We only just got him back and we want to keep him for a good, long time!"
     Epifany approached the room from the kitchen, but quietly stood leaning against the doorway to take it all in and imprint it in her memory. Just a week before, she had lost all faith that a moment like this would ever happen again. And even though the tide had miraculously turned and she had no reason to believe she would lose him anytime soon, she was still cherishing each moment just the same.
     Soon Viggo ran past her, squealing with delight, and hugged Haza's leg, then Thaniel's. Rune stepped in then and squatted to his level as he ran in for a hug. "Rune!" he joyfully exclaimed, wrapping his stubby arms around her neck as she stood up, holding him.
     "Viggo!" Rune responded, squeezing him back.
     "Yay! Ajnin's here!" Viggo said, noticing his friend standing by the door behind Rune.
     "Come on!" Ajnin said, reaching eagerly for the doorknob, "Let's play outside!"
     "Hold it right there, Ajnin!" Haza ordered, "Is there someone outside to watch you two?"
     "Rune will watch us!" Ajnin explained.
     "No, Rune will help us get ready for our big picnic," his mother counter-explained.
     "Aw. But we'll be so bored cuz we can't do anything," Ajnin complained.
     "Oh, not to worry, dear!" Haza beamed, "I'm sure we can find work for you to do."
     "Okay!" said Viggo, while Ajnin whined, "Aw, really?!"
     "Yes, really."
     "But I'm only four!" he argued, holding up three fingers.
     "That's three, deary." She took his outstretched hand and kissed it loudly.
     "I know, I was just kidding!" He pretended to wipe the kiss off his hand in disgust.
     "Well that's settled then!" Thaniel smiled, ruffling Ajnin's hair, "No use arguing with the mama!"
     "Tell me about it," Hapak rolled his eyes and spotted Epifany in the doorway.
     Epifany looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
     "Well you know it's true!" he said, then looked at Thaniel and claimed, "The woman won't let me eat in peace!"
     "Well!" she responded, lifting her palms into the air. "And here I thought I had very little influence over him and it was the throwing up that made him cut back." She shrugged her shoulders.
     Thaniel laughed hard. "No," he said, "I don't think you have much influence over him. And the little you do have, he needs badly." And he continued laughing.
     Hapak realized his defeat and changed his game. He slipped behind Epifany and squeezed her shoulders. "Yeah, she's just a perfect angel, isn't she?" he asked, then wrapped his arms around her pregnant belly and kissed her cheek, which made her feel a little awkward in front of their friends.
     "The picnic's not going to organize itself," she said with energy - and a hint of awkwardness - carefully unwrapping herself from his clutches and leading the way to the kitchen. She briefly wondered whether his compliment was sarcastic or sincere, and brushed aside the chore of figuring that out in favor of focusing on the other chores at hand. There was much to do, but with all hands on deck - large and small hands alike - it was accomplished. Hapak and Thaniel dug up potatoes and drew water from the well, then picked a few ripe watermelons. Ajnin and Viggo washed the potatoes, or at least they believed they did, passing them on to Haza and Epifany, who stood ready to "finish" washing them.
     Soon Haza was ready to speed things up, so she told the boys they had washed enough potatoes and sent them out to the garden to help Rune, who was picking greens and tomatoes for salad. Of course, Haza washed plenty more potatoes after they left the house. And, of course, Ajnin pulled Viggo into a game of hide-and-seek in the garden, though Rune still handed them greens and tomatoes periodically to take to the house. That itself became a game, as Rune seemed to make anything fun. They giggled as they held the bottoms of their tunics up in front of them while she filled them with produce, and they giggled all the way to the kitchen as they walked with their fat, bumpy tunics.
     When their mothers saw them, they laughed too. "Well! Look at you!" Haza exclaimed, "You both look like Viggo's mama!"
     "Yeah, 'cept she's not bumpy!" Ajnin laughed.
     "Here's your baby tomatoes!" Viggo giggled.
     "And their green blankets!" added Ajnin.
     Epifany laughed so hard she almost cried. All thoughts of her strange feelings from earlier were gone. She was with her family, and her family was safe. What more could she ask? She was happy - just happy. And today the Hadassahs were sharing in that happiness, along with many others coming to celebrate the continuation of the humble life of a man and his family spared from tragedy. Today was a happy day, and a miracle. No petty feelings would taint her gratitude.
     The hours flew by and when the appointed time came and people began to arrive, plenty of things to eat - including but not limited to the aforementioned food - had been prepared. A variety of food also came with some of the attendees who wanted to bring something, and everything was set up inside, so people could get their food and take it outside to eat. It was a picnic in the simplest sense - people sat down on blankets in the grass and enjoyed each other's company. While the adults took their time and talked while they ate, the kids enjoyed their food quickly so they could play.
     Ajnin wanted to "play leeligh," and easily won over the group of kids who were regulars with their families at Hapak's sky room celebrations and thus knew what a leeligh even was. As leelighs only happened once a month, during the full moon, it was still a relatively new thing even to them. Those who had never gone, some of whom had never heard of a leeligh, watched curiously as the "Miranites" (as they called them) danced in a circle.
     Gradually the circle grew until no one was left watching, except some adults. Epifany had brought her blanket closer to keep an eye on her three-year-old, and just to enjoy the sight, and Thaniel and Haza sat with her. She smiled, and instinctively looked in the direction where she had last seen her man talking with a neighbor. But he was no longer there, and couldn't be found for the vast ocean of people. Her smile fell, but she thought, Hapak's around here somewhere, enjoying himself. That's more than I could have hoped for a week ago. I'm sure he'll find us soon.
     Thaniel eyed her for a few thoughtful seconds, then stood up. "I think I could fit another piece of watermelon in here," he announced, patting his stomach with a smile, then walked off in the direction of the house.
     "Men," Haza muttered. Epifany looked at her questioningly. "They think they're so tough, every one of them," Haza continued, holding her hand up to one side of her mouth as if telling a secret, "Another piece of watermelon, eh? Well we womenfolk can fit a whole watermelon in there!" She nodded toward Epifany's belly-- "How's that for tough?"
     A burst of laughter came from a woman sitting on a neighboring blanket, startling Epifany. "Tell me it isn't true!" Haza challenged, smiling broadly with pleasure, "They think they're so important, am I right? They strut around like peacocks showing off their feathers." She flapped her elbows in an elaborate imitation of the gaudy birds. Soon she invited the other woman, named Parsi Gelao, to sit with them, and the two laughed like old friends. At first all Epifany could think of was the fact that there would be no room on the blanket for Hapak when he would come, with Parsi and her baby girl, Galené. But she liked getting to know people and settled into the situation, relaxing and making a new friend.
     Soon she saw Thaniel return, standing behind Haza with a half-eaten slice of watermelon. Then Hapak sat down in Thaniel's spot between Haza and Epifany and kissed her on the cheek. "Hello beautiful," he greeted her, placing his hand on hers where it rested between them on the blanket. He seemed to come out of nowhere, and the affection also came to her as a pleasant surprise. "Ladies," he nodded in acknowledgment, adding, "I assume you're behaving yourselves."
     "Of course," Haza claimed, her eyes still delightedly mischievous.
     Epifany smiled. "Hapak, this is Parsi Gelao," she explained, "She visited when you were sick, brought some bread. And it was good bread," she said to Parsi, "He stuffed his face with it the morning his fever broke."
     "Afternoon," Hapak corrected, snickering under his breath.
     "Huh?" Epifany asked, then caught on. "Oh yes, that breakfast was in the afternoon, much to his grief. We didn't always get up in the morning those days. Just ask Rune. We couldn't have made it without her. Now please don't get started complaining about the way I feed you again, or I've half a mind to stop altogether!" She playfully nudged his arm with hers.
     "She's a wonderful woman--" he smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder-- "feeds me very well, treats me good and entertains me." He paused, "Owe her my life, in fact. It was very kind of you and your family to visit in our time of affliction, Parsi. I've met your man, Jakis, today as well."
     "Well you've sure been busy, haven't you dear?" Epifany asked.
     "Yes, I've talked with nearly everyone here," he answered, "And I'm sorry to leave your side again so soon, my love, but I think it's time I shared a few words with our guests," he said, standing up again.
     "Certainly," Epifany smiled, bubbling over with affection.
     Soon Hapak had climbed up onto the small tower he had built for Viggo to play in and gotten everyone's attention. It was a bit much for a three-year-old, and Viggo wasn't allowed to play in it without supervision yet, but his father was very ambitious.
     "I can't believe I'm the only one playing on this tower I so lovingly built for the kids," he started, getting everyone to laugh. "But I guess that makes me king of it." He stood on top with his hands on his hips as if surveying his kingdom. His resemblance to Haza's earlier peacock impressions was more than Epifany could take and she laughed uncontrollably.
     "The lonely king," Thaniel laughed quietly, then Haza saw what Epifany saw and smirked triumphantly. Parsi lay helpless on the ground, trying to control her laughter.
     "First I want to thank all of you for coming," Hapak said when things began to quiet down, looking over the mass of friends and neighbors below him. "And for anything and everything each of you have done for us during our most difficult time - for your thoughts, prayers, visits, gifts, and comforting words - on behalf of my sweet family, more than for myself, I cannot extend enough gratitude. It's going to take a lot more than a snake to take me away from my family," he chuckled, "but I can't express how deeply grateful I am that they were surrounded by so much love and support even when I was too weak to provide it. I thank you, and I thank the gods for you."
     He paused, then went on, "On a personal note, I want to thank Thaniel and Haza for lending us their daughter - Rune was a wonderful helper. And if any of you haven't heard about my lovely, strong woman--" he looked at Epifany-- "she is the love of my life and I wouldn't be standing before you without her. I thank the gods everyday for her strength that would not let me go. She's remarkable, and I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a wonderful gift."
     Epifany blushed while her eyes welled up with happy tears, and Haza squeezed her hand.
     "But most of all," he continued, "I praise and thank the gods for giving me another chance to live. I feel as if I've come back from the dead. And I can't help but feel I've been spared for a reason. Furthermore, I want to make sure I have been." He held his fist in front of him, expressing a passionate emphasis on that point and pausing before continuing, "I'm happy to say that my family is growing, and happier that I am still with them to take care of them. Our spiritual family is growing too - those who share in the spirit of Miras with us and celebrate the light of Gadriel. And I've come to realize that our sky room can hardly contain us anymore. So I've been thinking and praying, and I believe the gods have called me to build an ophrysial."
     Epifany's jaw dropped.
     "Now I may not know how I'll build," he paused, "But build I must. I can use all the help I can get, for materials and labor. So anyone who's interested, can meet me here again tomorrow."

Chapter 13: When One Eye Closes, Another Opens!

     The rest of the evening was a blur. Hapak was approached by many of the guests, those within their spiritual family and outside of it alike. Epifany became very busy cleaning up and putting things away, but could see various men talking with Hapak, smiling and shaking hands. The sun was dipping below the horizon and darkness was falling, so she was in a hurry. Ajnin and Viggo were sent inside with Rune to give their mothers the ability to work quickly. Parsi asked if she could send her children inside as well, with her oldest daughter, Faleni, to help babysit the younger ones, so Parsi could help Epifany and Haza. Epifany was in a daze, but Haza gladly welcomed the suggestion.
     "I've never seen an ophrysial," Parsi said excitedly while they worked, "but it sounds amazing. I've been curious about your leelighs for some time, Epifany. Jakis didn't seem much though. But I think he's hit it off well with your man and his interest has finally been aroused."
     "That's wonderful," said Haza.
     "Yes, we'd love to have you," Epifany responded.
     "Why didn't you tell me, Piffy?" Haza asked.
     It always sounded strange to Epifany when Haza called her Piffy. "Umm," she answered somewhat absentmindedly, "tell you what exactly?"
     Haza looked at Parsi and they both laughed. "Tell me what exactly?!" Haza exclaimed, "She's so, so funny!"
     When their continued laughter only elicited a blank, confused expression from Epifany, the two became confused themselves.
     "That you were planning to build an ophrysial? That's big news! What else?"
     "Oh," Epifany stuttered, "well, I - uh - I didn't know."
     "Didn't know what I was asking about," Haza laughed, "Oh, you poor dear, the problem is you've been working too hard for a pregnant lady and you're overwhelmed--"
     She might have chattered away like that forever, if Parsi hadn't chimed in with the question, "You don't mean that you didn't know about the ophrysial, I'm sure?"
     "The ophrysial?" Epifany answered, "Um, yes, I mean, well we've been so busy today, it must have slipped his mind, he can be so forgetful sometimes, so--"
     And she might have stammered on like that forever if Haza hadn't interrupted her, "You think he just decided it today?"
     "No, I don't mean that," Epifany said, "I mean, I guess he's been thinking about it, so - and praying about it, so - I just, I mean he never said anything, to me, so I don't know. I just," she rambled, "I don't know."
     Her friends looked at her blankly.
     "Well, my man is just full of surprises!" she exclaimed, trying to chuckle and distract from the embarrassment she felt. She didn't feel much better when they both fake-chuckled with her.
     After some almost unbearable silence, Haza spoke up again, "Epifany, there's something special about you two I can't quite place my finger on. You're devoted to what you do and you love everyone. But you come with your share of burdens to carry, if not more, especially recently. You've got to slow down and communicate so you can lean on each other."
     I don't know how we're going to do that when he's just added an ophrysial to our full plate, thought Epifany. She felt especially embarrassed to be having this personal conversation with a woman she didn't know well in the middle of it. But Haza was a sort of mentor to her besides simply being a beloved friend, and she naturally respected her advice.
     "Just talk to him," Haza went on, "He only needs a reminder that he hasn't got to do everything on his own."
     When everyone had left and Viggo was safely tucked in, Epifany wearily crawled into bed next to Hapak. "What a day," he smiled as they both stared at the ceiling, "a wonderful, productive day."
     "Hapak, we need to talk," Epifany said, turning toward him.
     "What about, Pif?" he asked, scooting toward her and resting his hand behind her ear. He closed his eyes, still smiling softly.
     For a moment she wanted to stay that way and say nothing but how much she loved him, comforted in the safety of his embrace. She was tired, and it was relaxing when he touched her hair. But she remembered that this talk would bring them closer together and that it would best be done tonight, as tomorrow would be a busy day with visitors again. "Your speech tonight, dear," she said softly, "It took me completely off guard." She was willing to believe that his mind was still confused due to his recent illness - confused enough to be some kind of idiot about communicating with his own woman.
     "I didn't mean for that to happen," he said, "I did tell you I was going to say a few words, didn't I?"
     "Oh," she answered, "well yes, you said that. But I mean the ophrysial - you never said anything to me about it."
     "Are you sure?" he asked, still stroking her hair with his thumb.
     Again she was taken off guard. "I'm pretty sure I would remember if you had mentioned the idea to me," she answered, "and I don't remember anything about it."
     "Oh," he said, "no, you're right. I don't think I did say anything. I thought about it, but you know how busy we can be, so I didn't get around to mentioning it. And in the end, I decided not to. I didn't want to burden you with my big dreams and projects. You know I always have something on my mind. And your burdens have been so heavy lately, with what happened to me."
     Epifany was surprised. "Honey, your burdens haven't exactly been light lately, either."
     "I know that, but I'm alive!" he smiled, raising his eyebrows, "And excited to be! So I've got to do this."
     "I know," she said, "I'm just still confused as to why you didn't tell me before."
     "Because honey, you've got other things on your mind. Like feeding me," he snickered, "and taking care of Viggo, and carrying the other one." He moved his hand from her hair and laid it on the side of her belly instead. She looked into his eyes - slightly mischievous, but otherwise sweet - and silently thanked the gods for the spark of life they contained.
     "Well," she smiled, caressing his cheek, "I appreciate your appreciation for all I do." She looked into each of his eyes gratifyingly, and asked, "You really just didn't want to burden me?"
     "Never," he whispered, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. He would have gone farther and she certainly would have let him, enjoying the overpowering sense of being safe and feeling loved, but she wasn't quite finished with the subject. Things weren't making sense yet.
     "One more thing, darling," she said softly, gazing again into the hungry eyes she belonged to, "Your burdens are my burdens. You don't have to keep them to yourself. I want to share in everything that's important to you, because you mean everything to me. Why would you even think it would be a burden to me? Did you think I wouldn't support your vision to build an ophrysial?"
     "Is this interrogation really necessary?" he asked with a little laugh, tightening his hold around her torso. "Because I don't see why we can't spend this time differently," he said slyly into her ear, tickling her waist.
     Giggling, she instinctively reached for his hand to stop him. "Dear!" she laughed, "Will you cut it out? I'm just trying to be sure."
     "Sure of what?"
     "That you understand what I'm saying."
     "Sure I do. What are you saying?" he teased.
     "That you don't need to do anything all on your own," she persisted, "and you never will. So remember that from now on and talk to me. Your dreams are my dreams too. That's why I'm here with you - because I want to be and I would never be happier anywhere but next to you. When you asked me if I would build a life with you in Kharma, I said yes without a second thought."
     "Well maybe you should've thought again then, since things obviously aren't going the way you wanted afterall," he said, returning his hand to himself.
     "What are you talking about?" she asked, lost with confusion.
     "I asked you to come with me and be my woman. I thought you would be happy to stand by me, mother my children, and trust and support my leadership of this family and those who are coming into the light with us. But you think you're so spiritual. You think you know everything there is to know about destiny, like the gods favor you with enlightenment and need you to keep me in line. You forget your true calling and why you're here, and think your job is to question everything I do and say."
     She was confused that he still didn't seem to understand what she was saying and decided she had to tell him how she really felt. "Hapak I don't know what you're talking about but the truth is it just really hurts that you put me on a level with everyone else when I have been so happy to stand by you that I left everything and everyone else behind. It makes me feel like I'm not as important to you as you are to me, because I always discuss my plans with you."
     "What plans?" he asked.
     She was taken aback by the change of direction his question brought to the conversation, and she had no idea how to answer. "I - I don't know," she stumbled, "that's not my point. I--"
     "Then it's not a relevant argument," he interrupted, "What does that have to do with anything?"
     "I'm not trying to argue, I was just trying to say that I would have wanted to talk to you about it if I were in your position."
     "You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what it's like to be me. You sit at home all day everyday and complain that I don't spend enough time at home, well I have things to do that are important and you're not the center of the universe so maybe it's time to get used to the fact."
     "I'm not trying to be the center, I just thought we were partners."
     "I don't need a babysitter for a partner. Maybe look for a man who does."
     The eyes she loved so much were now aflame with rage, burning through her, and she turned away, facing the wall instead because she could not bear to see him angry. Cutting words swam around her head in a whirl of confusion and pain as she shuffled through her memory trying to find the basis for his accusations. Instead, her thoughts kept coming back to his last words and the stab of heartache they never failed to deliver. She would never dream of looking for someone else or willingly living without him at all, and she wondered how he could even speak of it. Would he really not mind if I did? Would he rather live without me, even be with someone else?
     She drifted in and out of a restless sleep for the next several hours, trying to make sense out of the conversation but getting nowhere. Finally her exhausted mind seemed to give it up and permitted her to think of only one thing: that she needed him, and needed him to need her the same. Life was comfortable and happy overall, with a few bumps in the road - but nothing she couldn't handle, as long as he loved her. He wasn't the sensitive soul she was and didn't show his love the same way she did, and maybe it was of a lower quality than hers. But she still wanted it more than anything in all the world and knew she would do anything it took to hold onto it.
     She had been laying awake with this train of thought for a couple of hours when he shifted, and soon soft lamp light crept over her shoulder from the table on the other side of him. She watched his towering shadow sitting up and hers laying still below it, heard the rustling of paper in the silence as the dark figure on the wall in front of her picked up his shadowy Legends in perfect sync with the man behind her back. She shivered, feeling alone and eerily cold in spite of the warm summer night. It would probably be at least an hour yet before dawn.
     Her mind took her back to another morning a few weeks before, one that also followed an emotionally cold night involving a confusing conversation, though it hardly compared to this night. But the rest of the morning in her memory involved a deadly snake and a man that lay dying for two weeks as her own spirit crumbled. She had come to believe he would never hold her again. He had spoken his dying words to her with a trembling breath. Yet here he was.
     With a twinge of shame she thought of how she hadn't even told her man she loved him this time, and more painfully, how he hadn't said he loved her. But then she remembered his dying words, how loving and comforting they were to her then.
     "You've always been better than I deserve, Pif.... There never could've been anyone for me but you."
     With relief, she realized that he hadn't meant what he said last night. And maybe it was all that he'd been through with his illness that put him in the mindset to say such hurtful things, she thought. But she realized now she could always come back to the gentle words he spoke the night before the miracle, borrowing comfort and strength from them anytime he might stumble again, as people do. She would be there to soften his rough patches with her gentle spirit, needing only to bring out the best in him, reawaken the man she loved any time he might lose himself again. Beginning now.
     "Honey?" she said softly, turning toward him.
     "Hm?" he grunted, eyes still on the Legends in his hands.
     She wasn't sure what to say. It would be easier if he would be the one to resolve the situation, but she knew better than to count on that. Really by now she only wanted a sign of affection from him, and was prepared to compromise in order to get it. She felt slightly guilty for allowing this desperation to control her actions, but felt powerless to make any other choice. "I don't know what happened last night," she heard herself saying, "I never meant for you to feel nagged." She knew his accusations were gross exaggerations conjured in a fit of anger, if they were true at all. As always, she wanted to please him, but there was no way she was going to actually validate lies.
     He sighed, laying down his Legends on the table. "It isn't any wonder you were upset though," he said, turning to her, "I should have taken into consideration your current emotional sensitivity due to being pregnant. It's why I didn't want to burden you in the first place. But, I couldn't keep a thing like that from you forever anyway, could I? And clearly you would have rather known sooner than later."
     Again, he didn't make sense to her, but it at least seemed like enough of an improvement for now. And he was possibly acknowledging the fact that the burden excuse didn't help, either.
     "Come here," he said invitingly, reaching toward her. Soon she found herself wrapped in his arms again, curled up in his bosom, where she lay silent as he spoke softly.
     "I didn't realize how much it would upset you when I made the announcement. I've come to see, to my regret, that I often just have trouble communicating what I wish to, and it always ends up in an unpleasant situation, of which I know nothing of until it is upon me and too late to fix." He stroked her hair gently. "I confess I have not always been the man the gods wanted of me, and I do fall, as no lumen is without his shortcomings, yet get I back up and strive harder. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so I'm sorry if I did and I take all the blame. I love you."
     "I love you," she said. Even when it hurts, she thought silently. The phrase "sorry if" didn't make much sense to her. For that matter, his apology was lacking in other ways. But it didn't seem likely she could change that. She had hardly slept, and was tired in heart, mind, and body. From her experience, questioning Hapak generally didn't seem to bring the intended results, certainly not his affection. So she lay subdued, accepting the kind of love he wanted to give. And she closed her eyes.

     "...And just as we open this ophrysial, our great eye, for the first time tonight to honor the full moon's light as it floods this dark place, I pray our eyes will always be open to the light that shines upon our inner darkness - that we will ever be open to change, and never resist the truth." With these words from their leader, the leeligh in mid November was commenced, and the growing group of believers in Gadriel celebrated in the beautiful ophrysial they had built together on the Akylases' land.
     And a few weeks later, at the beginning of December, the year 175 vc, the fourth Akylas arrived, following a particularly difficult labor. Hapak looked curiously into the new face as he helped his weak and exhausted Epifany hold their child. He tilted his head to one side and asked, "Does she look like a Grace to you?"
     "I don't know," she breathed, "Is she supposed to just yet?"
     "Well her name ought to match her face, and Grace just doesn't."
     "Honestly," she whispered with a smile, "I didn't think so either."
     He smiled. "We could give her a name meaning our dreams have come true, a name that means 'to dream.'"
     "Do you have something in mind?" she asked, resting her heavy eyes.
     "Let's call her Drea Grace," he suggested, "How do you like that?"
     "It's beautiful."
     "As is she. Like her mother," he said, pushing Epifany's sweaty hair out of her face, "She takes after you."
     "I don't know, dear," she said weakly, "I think she takes after her father. Maybe my light hair. But those dark eyes. And the fact that she's a handful."
     He laughed, unable to conceal his pride. "I know she gave you a hard time. She is a fierce little thing. Her grip is so strong, I don't know if I'll ever get my finger back." He wiggled his finger for a moment, to no avail. Unlike her weary mother, Drea was wide awake, feisty, and in control.
     "So you're willing to let go of your dying wish to call our child Grace?" Epifany teased quietly.
     "Eh, she looks like a Drea Grace now I see her," he said, "I was confused and thought I was going to die. I probably said a lot of things I didn't mean that night," he snickered. "You wouldn't really hold me to it, would you?"
     She wished he knew how his words stung, but felt it would only get worse if she told him how it made her feel, so she said nothing. She only hoped the name was the only thing he'd said that night that she couldn't hold onto, because she needed to believe in everything else.
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